Don't know what I want from this maybe just need to vent

[User123456789101]

I've been with my current partner for just over 10 years now we have a blended family grown up kids on both sides all get on well.
I have previously been married to the father of my kids but he was abusive, a cheat, a liar and just generally not a very nice man.
When I got with my current partner the divorce was nearly final and was finally absolute about 3 months after I got with my current partner. I want to preposition this with when I got married to my ex I only married him because I felt pressured to, the wedding was all a bit of a rush in a registry office then a booze up in the local pub not even a proper reception.
Just lately I've been seeing all over my sm women posting they've got engaged and planning these big beautiful weddings. I feel like I was slightly robbed of this by my now ex and instead of feeling excited for these women I feel a pang of jealousy but mainly upset wondering if my partner is ever going to pop the question to me.
He is my whole world and I love him so much, he has been there at my lowest and helped pick up the pieces and I know people will say this is a lie but literally we don't argue even though I can be difficult at times having ptsd, depression and anxiety he is the only person that knows how to talk me down from that metaphorical ledge, we even game together when he has a day off work for a couple of hours. When we had been together about a year we were talking about weddings with me having previously been married and I was telling him about my rushed put together wedding, he said if he ever got married he'd want the full shebang church, horse and carriage or nice cars proper big affair because he's never been married and doesn't plan on doing it twice.

Since then nothing I keep thinking we have been together over 10 years like is this what my life has become now am I ever going to be proposed to? I know ppl will say "what is the big deal when you're in love and happy" or "it's just a piece of paper" but everytime I think about it a just get this pang in my heart. I also know he told me he would only get married of he had the money to fund everything that it entails but to me I just want to marry the man that I love and to share the happy day with our closest friends and family am I asking too much? Should I just reside myself to the fact I've had my (rushed) day and I will never get the fairytale that I dreamt of as a little girl?

Maybe speak to him? Maybe he doesn’t know it’s what you want. Only harm is in not discussing it, then you’ll never know.

Have you talked to him about this at all in the ten years you've been together, beyond the vague discussion you had about weddings a year into your relationship? Discussed timelines, looked at rings, told him you'd like to be married? If you've never talked about it he might have zero idea you want to be married again.

And what is it you actually want? Because in one breath you're saying you just want to marry him with your friends and family, and in another you're saying you want the big fairytale wedding. Those are two different things. Big fairytale weddings are expensive, so you kind of need to discuss it, find out if he also wants a big fairytale wedding, make a budget and timeline, etc etc.

@VeridicalVagabond I want the church wedding with the dress and I want all our friends and family there. (There is a lot of them)
I don't know why but I think I am scared to bring it up in case the answer upsets me or in case he has got comfy with what we have got, I don't know why because I'm a 38 year old adult and he is 43 it should be an easy conversation I just don't know how I would bring it up after all these years of not saying anything I don't want him to think I'm blindsiding him because he's a really good man.