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Original poster

What do you make of this

11 replies

Cosmic657 · 26/08/2023 18:28

So been with partner for 12 years, have 2 young DH. He doesn’t have a particularly close group of friends and doesn’t go out with any mates, he’s literally at home all weekend. I on the other hand have some close friends and we arrange catch ups every now and again.

It was a big birthday celebration for me and my friends this year so we booked a 3 night trip abroad, he got a bit sulky with me as we had talked about going for a weekend away somewhere but apparently I chose my friends. We did however go on a 2 week family holiday together recently.

Just seen my friends and it’s been suggested we look to go away for the night in November possibly to an Xmas market. OH had said about a trip away too. In my mind I think I could do both but just mentioned it and he’s in a sulk again saying he mentioned xmas markets to me and I’m now going with the girls. Now I’ve been made to feel like I shouldn’t go. The girls holiday has been the first time away since having my kids and now they’re a bit bigger I want to start getting out doing things as being inside with my partner all weekend gets a bit boring.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/08/2023 18:47

Go with your lady friends to the market.

He wants to keep you in a cage of his own paranoid making. Sulking behaviour is another form of emotional abuse and I would think he is not solely emotionally abusive either.

Consider whether you want to stay with him and what example he is setting to your children. This is no legacy to be leaving them.

Read Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft, this man is in those pages.

Sunflowersinthewind · 26/08/2023 18:51

I do think it's a bit unfair if he mentioned Xmas markets to you and now you have chosen to go with your friends instead. YANBU to see your friends/go on holiday with them though.

cruffinsmuffin · 26/08/2023 18:53

Can you also go on a Christmas market holiday with him? Or is it one or the other?

My DH is of course welcome to go away with friends, but I'd probably be a bit hurt if I'd mentioned I wanted to go and do a specific thing to him and then he booked it with his friends instead of me.

Original poster
Cosmic657 · 26/08/2023 19:03

cruffinsmuffin · 26/08/2023 18:53

Can you also go on a Christmas market holiday with him? Or is it one or the other?

My DH is of course welcome to go away with friends, but I'd probably be a bit hurt if I'd mentioned I wanted to go and do a specific thing to him and then he booked it with his friends instead of me.

We could do both, the Christmas market was mentioned as a passing comment along with other discussions about what we could …we also mentioned a city break and centre parcs. So he wasn’t desperately wanting to do the markets it just came up as a suggestion

OP posts:
Riapia · 26/08/2023 19:25

Something suspicious about a man being interested in doing things with his wife, that doesn’t involve him taking his trousers off.
LTB.

Original poster
Cosmic657 · 26/08/2023 19:35

Riapia · 26/08/2023 19:25

Something suspicious about a man being interested in doing things with his wife, that doesn’t involve him taking his trousers off.
LTB.

🤣
Now he’s indicated he’s not happy, I feel like I can’t go which really makes me upset.
Ive also started reading a bit more which I’m enjoying but he now has a problem with me going up to a bit earlier to read my book as he wants to sit together on the couch watching the tv (I don’t even do it every night) 🙈feeling a bit suffocated by him recently

OP posts:
Sunflowersinthewind · 26/08/2023 21:12

Do you think he is feeling a bit insecure? Worrying you are disengaging and is not dealing with it well and trying to smother you a bit? Perhaps a proper talk with him. If he got out and about more as well, independently of you, that could help. But also make time to do stuff together. I think actually booking either the city break or center parcs might be a nice idea?

MissHarrietBede · 26/08/2023 21:25

Ive also started reading a bit more which I’m enjoying but he now has a problem with me going up to a bit earlier to read my book as he wants to sit together on the couch watching the tv (I don’t even do it every night) 🙈feeling a bit suffocated by him recently

Bloody hell. You need to put a firm stop to his behaviour or youll disappear into his tiny world

DosCervezas · 26/08/2023 21:56

It's interesting that you start by pointing out that he lacks close friends. I wonder why that is?
Sounds like he could do with a life of his own and some pals beyond the relationship. Then you could arrange your own healthy and mutual times apart.

Amsooverthis · 27/08/2023 07:48

Out of interest who would do the arrangements for going away, you or him? If he's so keen to go somewhere he can get on with booking it. My ex would complain about me doing stuff with friends but funnily enough never managed to arrange for us to do anything together.....

category12 · 27/08/2023 07:55

It sounds like he's a bit controlling and needs to stop because it's going to smother the relationship.

There's no reason you couldn't do different things in the same room, tho, is there? Or won't he let you read your book in peace if you're in the same room?

I'd be firm that you will be going away with mates from time to time, but you'd like to go away with him as well (if you do. If you don't, then maybe you should be looking at the bigger picture of the relationship).

Don't let him sulking stop you going places, as it will encourage this behaviour and he will shrink your world.

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