Should I stay or should I go

[Littlebitoflove2]

Ok bear with me....lots of deep thinking going on.

My partner is a narcissist. Treats myself and the kids horribly. I'm currently seeking legal advice re leaving but late last night started over thinking how awful it will actually be when we leave. He will make my life even more of a misery I think and also use my children as a tool to get to me/make my life difficult.

Also children do not enjoy spending time with him and although I know they need to spend time with their father. The thought of handing them over upset when they go to stay with him and also not being there to help them through the horrible things he says kills me.

Therefore is it just better to stay together? But then I think of the harm it must be doing my children being here 😭. Looking for real life experience please.

Leave.

You and your kids are currently suffering full-time.

Splitting up would not make things worse than they already are.

How old are they? I think you should leave anyway, my question is more about whether or not he would get access

It won’t get better, all that will happen is that there will more resentment on your side and your self esteem will suffer.

Realise you will leave sooner or later. Organise your life so that when you leave things are easier.

I spent eight years dithering. I wished I had made sure I knew where all the money was and that I had asked to see accounts of our joint business.

Anybody who is unsure enough of their relationship that they have to ask a forum whether they should stay, should leave.

Are you married?

You should definitely leave. Fear of his behaviour if you leave is not a sustainable basis for a relationship.

Leave. If you are leaving an abusive relationship surely he would only have supervised access?

Leave as it's unlikely to improve is it.
Sorry to be blunt but I've been where you are now.
Good luck 💐

If you don’t leave straight away at least start keeping a diary of all the unpleasant incidents

No not married which is a relief.

Yes I am doing this for my own sanity as the gaslighting is really bad.

I'm not sure about this?

7 and 3. They still see him as a good dad obviously as they know no different so I think if he wasn't to see them they would blame me

This isn't about how to make their lives perfect. It's about getting them away from someone who treats them poorly for as much of the time as you can. If he's abusive to them, report him to the authorities.

Your children's welfare is your priority, but you're considering staying full time with someone who is horrible to them?

I know it is and I know I'm a terrible parent to for staying. I can even afford anywhere for us to live and have no where to go.

You're not a terrible parent. This isn't about you.

Get advice from Women's Aid. You and your children are being abused, and there will be a way out. Stop considering staying, start working on your escape plan. Voila: Amazing Parent.