I'm so upset now

[TLV]

i had to call stbx dh this morning re something to do with the house, I find out from him that i'm to get a solicitors letter because apparently i've been harrassing him, obstructing him from seeing dd (which i haven't) yes i've called him been angry with him for leaving me and dd shouted.

he has given nothing but mixed signals to me from leaving and I feel so upset and I'm sat here crying (something which i vowed never to do again)

I'm his second wife and I really think he is beginning to bring his feeling from his first marriage into ours and hence why he left and why he is the way he is now and refuses to talk about anything than the divorce, selling home and moving on.

how do I handle the situation he expects me to be all civil/nice with him and let him come here but he has hurt me so much and I don't know how to deal with it how do you get over someone when you constantly have to see them

then don't see him.
allow him to collect your DD and take her to his house/park/soft play etc. dont let him have her at your house. i don't feel that is unreasonable and nor would a judge/solicitor if he felt the need to take it further.

you say he has given mixed signals but then say he will speak of nothing but the divorce and moving on.
that seems pretty clear to me.

Stop holding hope for reconciliation and stop relying on him for help.
phone him only if it is something concerning your DD that he HAS to know.

I have to agree with Mamazon. Don't let him in the house. I never let my xh in, cos if he'd have turned his back on me he'd have got a knife through the head, and I'm only half joking when I say that. He has no right to expect anything from you since he decided to leave, so get over it in a fashion that suits you. I wouldn't give his feelings one minute of consideration. Only you and dd count now.

never even saw him. Sent my kids to the gate when he pulled up outside the house and never looked out the door or window. it helped a huge amount not to have to look at the git.

i haven't relied on him for any help at all, infact i've been doing things on my own for 4 mths. He has made me out to be a complete nutter something of which i'm not and i've made it clear to him that i didn't want any contact with him at all.

He has this morning got upset because i don't want him babysitting!!! that i don't inform him of dd development, what they feck does he expect

TVL

I have friend in a similar position - except she dosent want him at all and he keeps making excuses to see her.

He is threatening to take her to court for access and saying that he is not informed.

I told her to keep a diary and then hand it to him when he cottects her - is this something you could do? It would make you look a lot less obstructive if it did get nasty.

my diary are my mum and sister whom i've told everything to. And am i right in thinking that anything in a solicitor has to be instructed from the "client" and that they wouldn't put something in there without their permission?