Does it ever get easier?

[jenniferw7]

Hi all, my current boyfriend of 2 years has 2 children with his ex girlfriend. The children stay overnight with us once a week and come round for tea, bath and pyjamas twice a week after we both finish work. Now he currently lives with me but is still on the mortgage for the home he lived in with his ex girlfriend and their 2 children. His ex girlfriend also spends a lot of her time with the children at her current boyfriends house. My boyfriend has called the bank and there is plenty of great options for her to transfer of title etc. But no, she will not do this because "why should I transfer the mortgage into my own name just because you two want your own little house together". She works full time and gets child maintenance every month off my boyfriend. Bare in mind the CM he sends is as if he doesn't see them at all which is wrong :( It's very much affordable she just isn't willing to discuss this with him and instead just laughs in his face that even if she does transfer the title she will "gob him for child even more maintenance" it all just seems to be a massive joke to her. Does it ever get easier? I worry I can't handle it. She takes him for a ride but if he dares question her she threatens he will not see his children as much. We are thinking about going to the CSA??

Honestly if you are young and want a family of your own then get rid of this hassle out of your life and start again. It’s not worth it.

Depends on circumstances obviously but he could take her to court over the house and also for child arrangements to have something set in writing if it's becoming difficult or she is using them against him in some way.

He could potentially get more time with the children if he wanted, perhaps something sorted out house wise.

Be careful of threats regarding children, I've not had any contact with mine in five months and I'm having to take it to court.

Probably have to try mediation first though as need that for court, unless there was abuse.

He should be paying child support if he only has the children overnight once a week. If he's paying more than the minimum he could, that's not a bad thing - they're his children, it's a bit tight to only do the bare minimum for them.

I have to agree.

Think about the future as well, find a man who doesn't need to split his inheritance between numerous families, you children will thank you for it.

Sounds very messy OP. Do you want to put up with this your whole life? If you want your own family don't waste your time with this, things will get complicated once you have your own children.

This is for him to sort out. If he's not, and it's making you unhappy, you need to reconsider the relationship.

It's his responsibility, not yours alone, and not yours as a couple.

Honestly if you are young and want a family of your own then get rid of this hassle out of your life and start again. It’s not worth it.

This X 1,000,000

Sounds like she believes that your income would be taken into account for CM when it wouldn't.
CM is based on overnights and it sounds like he has 1 per week.

Having read my share of stories on here it will get worse when big life events happen like you having a child. I would swerve this situation immediately as he's not ready to be dating long term.

@jenniferw7 I agree with PP that if you are young and have no kids of your own and want your own kids then this isn’t the situation for you. Why start off in such a messy situation, that has no signs of improving, which is clearly weighing on your shoulders. It sounds like she’s not bothered about maintaining a good co-parenting relationship or having reasonable conversations. Is he still paying towards the mortgage at the moment and is he wanting equity out the house if he gets it signed over to her? His ex may not be able to afford to take on the mortgage in her own name, especially in these times.