Should I ask him out on a date?

[DoIDareDareIDo]

So there is this guy in my larger friendship group, I have kind of gotten to know him little better lately and I have developed a huge crush on him.
He is single. And so am I.
Should I ask if he’d like to go on a date?

One thing that has be stalling me (other than being too nervous) is that I’m asexual. I know this is a dealbreaker to most, but the thing is: I’ve only ever had one crush before and then I self-sabotaged and convinced myself that I shouldn’t even bother. And I always regreted it, even if he had turned me down, at least I would have known, you know.

And other thing is that if this guy would say yes and I tell about myself, I’m afraid if he then tells/outs me to the people we both know.
No one knows I’m asexual and I’m nervous they’d mock or bully me if they knew.

Should I still ask him?

I’d say this is a bit risky to be honest

I’d stay friends and hold back a bit

I’m sorry but this didn’t help much.
I picked the condescendence, I have no idea what the ’can tell someone isin’t having sex’ part means.
That’s nothing I’ve said.

Anyway, no, I won’t be forced to have sex, thanks.
I can ’write off’ for the rest of my life if I want.

But anyway, I shoudn’t entertain this topic, since that’s not what my thread was about.

That’s true.
I’m not even worried about being turned down, of course it would be sad.
I’m just so worried about coming out as an asexual.
And like I said earlier, regretting not even trying.

Sorry OP but being 'outed' aside surely properly falling for him, then realising sex gets in the way will be more painful?
Better to nip it in the bud and go on a date with fellow asexuals.

FWIW I'm not sure how asexual you are but some people don't mind giving it (oral sex for example) just don't want PIV. Sometimes they can't due to health conditions. Doesn't stop them having a partner.

Personally though with a new relationship I don't think I'd be secure ... in the back of my mind, what if they were suppressing their own needs and eventually got bored of it.

Oh yeah, I have tried to find other asexuals, it’s pretty much impissible.

Can’t help feelings, you know. Just found myself liking this guy a lot.

And would of course be honest with him from the start.

No, oral would be way, way worse.

There are dating apps for asexual people aren't there? Have you tried anything like that?

Nothing wrong with being asexual. Your body, your choice. Perhaps I’m naive, but I can’t imagine why anyone would mock or bully you for it? If they do, they are not your friends! I wouldn’t ask him out on a date though. The vast majority of people would expect some sort of sex in an intimate relationship, otherwise, it’s just a friendship.

I can’t imagine why anyone would mock or bully you for it?

It is also a mystery to me, but (some) people really do get angry about asexuality/ not wanting sex.
Just look MN:s ama about asexuality, so many rude comments.
People have hang-up’s about this.
And in mt life, there are three women in the widet circle, who have already bullied me about being always single/ not hooking up with anyone, they make nasty remarks already.
They are not my friends, but are friends with friends, so have to be in same places.

What age are you OP? Still at school?

is it possible you are taking a medication that is a libido suppressant: hormonal or anti depressant?

Have you watched whilst younger/been shown pornography that have bent your perception of sex in an everyday living relationship.

I suggest you get off the Internet and get out and enjoy life.

I'm really surprised that people are questioning the OP's asexuality tbh

Don't waste his time. He may agree to be friends only but you want romance. He has a life too and everyone's time is precious.

I’m not.

This seems to happen every time someone says they are asexual.
And that is exactly the reason I’m not out as one.

@BlueMoe

In my 30’s.

Asexuality has nothing to do with libido.

I don’t watch porn.
Surely there isin’t just one way how everyone’s sex lives are like. I don’t want any of them.

Yup, I get the thing about people being angry/snarky about you not having a sex life. It's almost as if they are assuming that you are judging them for having one and getting their retaliation in first.

I'm not asexual, but demisexual to the point where I have to be very emotionally and sexually attached to someone to allow physical contact. I don't touch my female friends at all.

I don't understand why anyone would have sex with someone they don't know, but I don't care that they do. None of my business. However, it does seem that some people who do enjoy that kind of relationship cannot extend the same courtesy to those who don't and it can be a real pain to deal with that level of hostility, cos they really do not let it go.

So I totally get your problem, OP. I don't have advice on where to go with your crush, but you have my sympathy.

@BlueMoe

Asexuality has nothing to do with libido.

I'm not sure I understand... how can you have a libido or sex drive, and also be asexual? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?

Op just to say zero judgement from me

i just think it’s risky as you might get hurt that’s all x

No judgement from me. I don't care what anyone's sexuality is tbh but this Asexuality has nothing to do with libido doesn't make any sense.

Libido is literally sex drive. I can understand someone saying they never feel sexual attraction and have no sexual desire. It sounds perfectly normal to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

But if asexual is an absence of sexual desire/feelings and libido is sexual desire/feelings then they are mutually exclusive.

So it's not just me then!

Could it be that sexual feelings exist, just that they're not caused or directed by thoughts or feelings for another person...just an unfocused sense of lust?

I'm genuinely interested in the answer as I feel I must be misunderstanding something.

No.

One can have libido,but not feel sexualt attraction towards anyone.
Libido just buzzes there on it’s own, with no interest in people/person/sex.
It’s just libido.
Divorced from sex itself.

I always thought that but then SO many threads are started on here by women whose husbands/partners don't want to have sex. They have low drive, ED, health issues.
It should be more known that many men aren't interested in sex.