I'm getting close to 50 years old and have been with my husband for years. He is 12 year my senior. We have raised both of our children and they are 30 and 26. My 30 year old decided that she was going to have a baby at the ripe age of 17, still in high school. Needless to say, I'm raising a grandson. He is 12 now.
We had a love like no other.
A few years later he became very sick, I was by his side every second. My mother passed away during this time and had to handle that all alone, while taking care of a then 2 year old and him in /out of ICU. I prayed that God not take him from me. I was so in love with this man that I couldn't breathe without him.
Get to the part of him coming home on feeding tube 3 months later. I was by his side doing everything that needed to be done. He is much better now. The problem is that the man I brought home is a completely different man. The best way to explain it is...he looks like my husband but is actions, likes, manners, interest and hobbies are not the same. It's like I brought home a completely different person. I married for better or worse. I took those vowels very seriously and still do.
So, I am a ride or die kinda gal. I took the bull by the horns and said, okay. Here we are. Let's find something that will trigger and get him back. Let's just say it has been 10 years and no luck. I would see glimmer of hope and as soon as I would try to get close to him, it would change. I rode this roller coaster for a bout 4 years. After this, I said...okay we need to talk and find a way to fix what has been broken. We have had countless talks about this. He would say he would change and I said, I will meet you in the middle and not expect so much but if you are trying you better believe that I am.
So, let's begin at the prime of my life, hormones raging...you ladies know. It hits you at around 30-35. I use to beg him to have sex and the answer was always is that all you think about? I would cry because my feelings were hurt and he would say nothing. I thought for a long time that maybe something was wrong with me. Am I getting too old, unattractive, etc.
For 10 years, we have slept in separate bedrooms and our now 12 year old grandson sleeps in the same room but he is getting older and said, I would like to have my own room. Guess who's room that is! Exactly, that would mean I will have to sleep with that man. I fear, I may just take the couch.
He has gotten to be so lazy that it is unreal. I have asked several times about things that need to get done and nothing ever comes of it. 6 months later, I am doing it. I could go on a long time here about things that get talked about between us or rather say me taking and I get a half ass response, things that bother me but the one thing that has came out of this is he has taught me how to live without him.
I don't share nor does my grandson see anything. I make it a point that his life doesn't get disturbed. I don't take my anger out on him nor do I let him see how much hate and resentment for my husband has become. I am just waiting for the day this boy is grown and off to college. My heart tells me that the stress and heaviness that I feel, I may not last that long.