My situation :
52 years old, married for 23 years. 2nd marriage. First marriage ended after 6 years. In retrospect, he was my soulmate and I have never truly got over the end of that relationship, but I was too young and immature to make it work.
Don’t love DH. I care about him as a family member, but don’t love him as a DH. Haven’t had sex with DH for 15 years. Last time was when our 14 year old son was conceived (we also have 19 year old daughter). Sex was never that great and it got less and less frequent over time. We just never got back into it after DS was born and it became the elephant in the room. Other than a good night peck, no other physical affection either. No cuddles, hand holding etc.
Miss sex and intimacy but don’t want it with DH. Don’t feel for him what a woman should feel for a DH – attraction, love, respect, friendship. We get along fine, never argue, have raised kids and had great family holidays together. I look at other couples and realise there is something drastically wrong. I have no desire to do things with him as a couple. We have little common interests. I have been unhappy for many years, but drifted along, with some years being better than others. Life isn’t terrible, you see. He is generally a kind man, but also a bit of a man child, drinks a lot and is lazy. Things got worse after Covid, when he was suddenly around all the time. I made the catastrophic mistake of giving up work when my DD was born and have been financially dependent ever since. I have stayed with him out of fear of being alone, and fear of making another mistake – like I did with the first marriage. And now I feel I am too old, even though I consider myself a young 52. Am trying to turn things around – about to start the 2nd year of a healthcare degree, so would be working in 2 years time. He has always been oblivious to my unhappiness, and yes, I realise that this should have been communicated years ago, but I feel that it is too late now and nothing he did would make a difference. If he was a bastard, it would be easier to leave - but he is not.
I have no idea where to even begin. I know his heart would be broken, could I do that to another person? DS about to start year 10 so in an important phase of school. And I have no money of my own at the moment. I feel so sad. I don’t even know what advice I am asking for on here, to be honest, I guess I just want to vent and know if anyone else has been in a similar situation. Thanks for reading.