I feel a bit ick about this

[Definitelynotme2022]

Been with dh for 20 years, kids, dog...

We've been having lots of problems, but have been trying to work things out. Possibly unsuccessfully as we're very distant, and I don't really want to have sex with him at the moment.

Last night I went out with friends, and had a few drinks. I was drinking wine, which I rarely do, and it affected me a lot quicker than my normal gin. Came home and went to bed as dh was already in bed. Nodded off pretty much straight away tbh, but a while later (not sure how much of a while) I realised he was playing with my boobs. Clearly fancied his luck, but I just wasn't with it thanks to the wine. I'm not even sure how long he was doing it before I realised. But I sort groaned no and covered them with my arms. He huffed and turned over.

But he has form this.... and going further when I'm asleep. And I really don't feel good about it. In fact I feel decidedly off about it. Which is why I'm writing here I guess.

It's not me, is it?

It’s sexual assault.

No, it's not just you. It's assault.

Definitely not you. It is sexual assault. You have not consented to be touched

Thank you all for your replies.

I was thinking that, and that's how I'd have replied to another poster too. But when it's yourself I think there's a tendency to downplay.

I'll be making time for us to talk about this over the weekend.

But he has form this.... and going further when I'm asleep.

This part is very concerning. Get a different bedroom tonight. If he actually has sex with you when you are asleep then it's rape.

No it's not you! I used to be woken up by my ex either trying to get his hand in my pants, or having successfully managed that it would be him trying to put his fingers in me. It gave me the major ick and ultimately ended our relationship.

It's disgusting.

So sorry you've been assaulted x

Totally taking advantage, knowing you wouldnt consent , but did it anyway (assault). Not to mention the fact that you say you dont want sex with him at the moment, so he definitely knows you dont want to. Clearly not the first time as you say OP. Hope your ok. Some serious words need to be had.

Thank you for your responses.

I've had the most astonishing pm from a now deleted user who thinks it's perfectly ok, and if my husband can't touch me then who can he touch. And the poor frustrated man may resort to porn or worse. I can't believe there are still people who think like this!

Ignore them OP. Some absolute losers on the internet.

OP lgnore, that post was probably from a man!

That PM was either from a troll or an incel.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It is definitely sexual assault. I do understand the tendency to minimise it when it's happening to you, but do not let your husband minimise this or put the blame on you. Remember that it is a myth that men need sex any more than women, and masturbation is just as effective for relieving sexual frustration as sex is. I say this because I know already the excuses he'll have for why he feels this behaviour is justified. There is no justification for it. He's allowed to be unhappy with the lack of sex but this does not entitle him to touch you without your consent.

I’m sorry about that PM, but they obviously knew they were disgusting to say something like that as 1) they did it quietly and not here, and 2) they deleted soon after. Anyone who isn’t willing to say something publicly shouldn’t be listened to!

And I’m so sorry this happened to you with your husband. It’s absolutely assault, and such a disrespect to you, your body, your autonomy and your marriage. Not to downplay the assault, but the complete disrespect he has for you is disgusting on its own.