Help me understand me????

[sparkle2345]

My husband cheated I found out last September

(Together 16 married 12)
We have tried for a year
He is still in contact as she is his work colleague they have been talking there's been lying etc
I can't do it anymore
I've told him to leave

Tonight he tells me he is looking at a flat tomorrow
I'm broken
I tell our children (16,11) (he is there)
We're all crying
Hits my son the hardest (understandable)
He doesn't believe it but is upset

But I'm in bits I feel awful like I've done something wrong and that it's my fault
I know it's not and I know I deserve better

I just don't understand my own reaction to all of this
I'm the one who has been betrayed why do I feel bad 😢

Its your maternal need to make everything OK, you feel guilty that you are breaking up your family because you asked him to go. Which of course isn't the real story at all, your DH fucked up you only reacted as anyone else would. And you tried for a year in fairness.

I'm really sorry OP for you and your children. Sorry I don't have advice, have not been in this position. Please take care and remember this is NOT on you.

Oh gosh that sounds awful.
Breaking that news and seeing the effect on your children would send anyone into a spin. What a roller coaster you are on.
It's awful.
I hope despite his lying and unfaithful choices he at least has the decency to help support his children through this shock and change and doesn't pull the rug from under them any more than than is unavoidable.
Really sorry you are going through this op.

You feel bad because you cannot fix this for your children. But op, that is not your fault, none of this is. Whilst some relationships can recover from infidelity, it takes a fuck ton of work from the person who did the cheating to enable their spouse to move forward and even start to rebuild the trust that they have nuked. Your husband, by maintaining contact with the ow and continuing to lie, is showing you very clearly that he is not prepared to do that work and that he is, in fact, a weapons grade Twat. Let him skip off to greener pastures, you focus on you and your dc. It is extremely likely that he will discover that the grass is not in fact greener and try to come crawling back. But if you work on building a solid, happy life for you and dc, it is also extremely likely that you will no longer want him. He has made his decisions and they were absolutely not in the best interest of your marriage or your dc. YOU make the decisions that work for you now. Onwards op, and you hold your head high - you have no shame in this. My lovely Grandma, in times of strife used to say “head up, shoulders back and hold your line” and that’s what you need to do now. This shit is entirely unfair, but it’s happened and you will get through it. Good luck xx

He's the one who broke up the family by going behind your back and cheating not you, be kind to yourself, you gave it a shot and it didn't work out🩷

I've been in your position. I'll never forget when we had to tell my children (I was trying to hold back the tears knowing the impact that this would have on their lives, as well as mine). I'm ten years on and we've all moved on. I still struggle with the fact that my ex husband broke up our family but I'm happy now and my children are mature adults who have done well with their lives. Try and look forward and focus on you and your children and your future (however hard this is right now).

He had the affair and continued lying. You are picking the pieces of what he has broken.

The pain will fade, and you and your kids will feel better. You were strong to give him a second opportunity that he didn't use. You will be strong now and in the future to carry on with your life and build a home where lying, cheating all all that nasty doing are far away form the three of you.

Well done, now reborn because although you feel bad now you are getting free and setting free your kids of a burden.