I recently posted about a situation where my husband's family made me feel horrific on my wedding day. I was made out as a scapegoat and husband's family have acted as if they really don't like me, particular SIL to be who spoke to me in the most horrendous manner, whilst my in laws did nothing.
Summary - I had a terrible couple of days in the lead to my wedding (my son was in hospital with bronchitis) he was only discharged the morning of the wedding. His family were not very helpful. I had been very stressed. On the day we had a free bar that we'd paid for, and I took full advantage (we all did) and after my MIL attempted (in a rather patronising manner,on numerous occasions) to get me to sit down, stop getting drinks, go home etc, I had been crying and eventually snapped and said 'stop talking to me like a piece of shit, I'm having fun at my wedding.' My FIL then came over to tell me off and wouldn't leave me alone despite being full of tears. This caused a friend to push him away from me and he fell and broke a tooth. The next nothing my husband's family said I had ruined my own wedding, they would only remember the end, I was to blame for everything including the fight and (my SIL) said I needed to grow up and stop being pathetic. The next day after I'd apologised my son was admitted back into hospital and I was left with him crying on my own for 20 hours. They didn't message to see how either of us were or even acknowledge that the wedding had taken place.
Hubby agrees that the way I have been treated was wrong. Hubby believes that SIL is way out of order and will continue to cause trouble. Hubby agrees that his father was somewhat to blame but has not admitted any responsibility.
I'm a very sensitive person and have spent a long time hurt and upset by this. This is NOT how I wanted to start married life. And although arguments can be repaired, my memories of my wedding can not be. But I am finally starting to process my emotions and thoughts, those being, I shouldn't care about them if they don't me, I should distance myself from them and I don't require their approval. One night in and amongst an anxiety attack, I messaged hubby saying I didn't know if I'd be able to properly feel better unless he stood up for me to some extent. I don't mean making things worse but just letting them know he didn't agree with the way his wife had been treated. Of course this can all be done in a calm, mature and supportive manner. He said he supported me but was concerned it would make things worse. I said it may make things initially worse but in the long term they will realise that we are a team and they need to respect me, because at the moment they don't. If things don't get said I'm left questioning why hubby feels it's okay for me to be hurt and upset for weeks but is too afraid to say anything to his family members. It may also cause a larger long term divide than if he casually mentioned something and they realised they were equally to blame and started putting more effort in. I did say I didn't want to force him to do something he didn't want to, but to really consider what is best.
Of course hubby has said nothing. I'm starting to question how much he cares about me. Of course everyone wants a husband who will stand up for you (if he agrees with you) and won't want to see you hurt.
But that being said I don't know whether I should just take him for how he is and forget it. He's a very calm, mature person who sees the best in everyone. In my experience men that get involved tend to be more agressive-natured, easily lead and hotheaded. I like that he's not. He hates any form of confrontation. My dad is actually very very similar. He would never say a thing to anyone (he couldn't even complain about a bad order) but I have no question that he loves my mum to bits.
Is this something I need to bring up again or do I just drop it? At the moment my anxiety has calmed etc. I still feel I've been disrespected and made to look a fool. His parents are acting as if they have 'drawn a line' under things but it's still quite awkward and it has been presented as if they have accepted my apology but have made no effort to give anything back. My SIL really doesn't like me and is clearly showing this by being very passive aggressive.