No contact rules/guidance

[lovenotwar149]

So I have been NC with my parents/siblings for some time now, almost a year. It started with NC with my dad and older sister, then my mum and finally my other sibling. Its a text book case of walking away from narcissistic parents whom my siblings still to this day (as the narrative went while growing up) say 'all families argue, why can't you just move on and stop making a drama out of everything.' Whilst I am incredible hurt about this situation , I do have compassion now. The anger has very much subsided. I am left thriving on a personal level now which includes a MUCH better relationship with my own children.
My question is to other ppl who have gone NC. Do any of you still send a birthday card to anyone? For example , mu mums birthday is very soon. Whilst I do not see her, call her etc there were a few msgs back 'n forth on WhatsApp until a couple of wks ago. A couple of wks ago I blocked her too due to an inevitable manipulative msg. it was obviously coming and it was the final manipulation I am now willing to read.
I dont hate her, her manipulative/ controlling behaviour is due to her own unmet childhood needs which were awful. She was physically beaten and lots more. Unfortunately she became an abuser. Do I send her (my mother/abuser) a bday card?

They all think I am very unwell, need therapy and that my negativity is affecting all of them. I have received 2 letters in the last 3 wks which were so damning. Logic would say that they were better off without me...yet they keep trying through other ppl to contact me. Funny that!

I am confident in my NC stance, it's the 'damnation' I am receiving that hurts

Following

My ex was a narcissist, I had to block, delete on everything for my sanity & feel so much better

In my opinion when someone is causing you that much pain no contact means exactly that, no contact, no letters, nothing

Appreciate it's difficult with family but it seems like by reading letters, WhatsApp messages etc you're giving them another opportunity to abuse you & get in your head & this will cause some damage to you & your mental health

no contact, no letters, nothing

Yup , I agree.....gulp! I need to do this. Thank u

I am nc with both my parents, I don't send anything to them. In the day you will prob feel guilty you didn't but it gets easier as the years go by.
Don't send messages or have any contact at all. Make sure they are blocked so can't contact you.
Just think how much better you feel without any if the toxicness in you life.
I have been nc for a few more years than you, I don't regret it at all and am so much happier in life.

My dh is nc with his dad snd step mom. Originally we'd send a card and box of chocolates and then for dh birthday he'd get the same back. Then I got missed out. We imagine because his stepbrother had a new girlfriend who we never sent anything for and dh realised he was still bring manipulated and it was still causing anxiety so he stopped.
Nc is to stop you feeling anxious or stressed so you do whatever makes that happen

No contact is precisely that - no contact. Do not send a card to your abusive mother. Let go of any and all residual hope that she will change or say sorry because that will not happen. Your mother had a choice when it came to you and chose to repeat what was done to her. She along with her followers/enablers have not changed an iota and your mother in particular remains as abusive as she ever was. Block all your family’s access to you.

Any letters they send should be shredded without reading. Be wary also of any and all flying monkeys sent in by your mother to do her bidding for her. You’ve seen that happen already.

NC means No contact. Nothing.
Don't feel bad not sending cards or Xmas wishes. Don't open a window when you are closing the main door.
If you feel you are better NC stay that way.

Thank u guys, I think you are reiterated what I KNOW it what to do. No contact mean NO contact including cards/emails etc

Thank you again. There is pain in this but there is an overriding feeling of peace and freedom. xx