Splitting finances - what's fair? I'm confused.

[S2P78]

Hello,
Prepared to be told I'm not thinking straight here/being fair. But I own the house that my partner lives in (outright) with me. We've been living together for two years. I earn about 45k (but I'm freelance so it varies) and he earns about 90k (more stable employed income). We each pay the same amount so 50/50 into a joint account for bills, and he gives me a small amount in 'rent' each month (a v small amount compared to what he'd actually pay if he was a lodger or housemate).
I pay for any rennovations/repairs etc and there have been loads since he moved in. I set up a cohabitation agreement to state that this was my responsibility as it's my house/asset.
He says as I have more assets that him we shouldn't split the amount we pay into the joint account on a percentage basis, but I slightly feel why should I be penalised for having the asset (house) that he's benefiting from (living in - he was living in a one bed flat he rents out now). I'm not sure if I'm being unfair though. To stick 50/50 into joint account in this scenario or increase his share a little as he earns double, or isn't this fair?
Thank you.

One thing I did find odd if anyone has an opinion is his brother in law asking how much my house is worth when he stayed recently. I thought it was such a rude question! But I don't think my partner thinks like this - just never had anyone ask me something like that before and made me feel uncomfortable.

Please, this is a guy earning £90k and owning a nice flat. It's ridiculous to be throwing around the word ' vulnerable ' to describe him and probably offensive to anyone who genuinely is financially or otherwise struggling.

For all the previous posters, I've always been under the impression that owning a house outright means you don't have a mortgage. So he doesn't contribute towards the mortgage because there isn't one.

50-50 is fine on living expenses, but I would charge him rent and have a written agreement as to what that covers , I would ensure it was enough to cover the loss of single person discount on council tax, plus a reasonable amount to cover his use of space.I think in your position it would be important to be clear on what the money he gives you covers - not maintenance or renovation, but just a ‘footprint’ amount .

As another poster already pointed out, even removing the single person discount, the OP is paying less council tax with him that without.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers
if they truly go 50:50 on all the bills, council tax, broadband, gas, electric, water, household insurance, groceries etc, the OP is probably 2 or 3K a year better off

I have never understood on here why women are expected to let them stay with them without paying anything except half the bills. It just encourages cocklodgers.

I don't really think that a decent man would suggest paying such a low rent. He's got his own place sorted out hasn't he and now he wants you to sort your own out even though your costs are higher because he's in it.

I'd just get a lodger.

Keep the living expenses 50/50. That is fair unless he eats twice as much food and has three times as many showers.
Assuming you don't include your mortage repayments or house repairs or insurance in that.

Increase the rent he pays to a fair amount and use that to help you pay your mortgage and house costs. (Unless the rent is low because he is handy and does regular repairs.)
You should not be financially worse off by having him there and he will increase wear and tear on your home.

He should not be better off by being your lodger.

I think 50:50, plus a small amount of rent, is fair.

You are both Eve fitting from living together. Yes, you pay for the upkeep because it’s your asset. Like he will have to pay for upkeep on his own flat. The fact that your house has needed more work recently is neother here not there.

He can’t just kick his tenants out at a moments notice. So yes, he doesn’t have stability.

It appears you want to benefit from his higher wage, whilst ensuring he doesn’t benefit from your asset. It’s like you want to share what’s his, but not what’s yours.

And his brother in law asked a question. Some people don’t mind questions like that. Some people find it rude.

Unless you feel your dp got bil to ask rather than going on zoopla, I am not sure how it’s relevant at all.

OP's boyf is also building up CGT liabilities should he sell his flat as it's a rental, not his primary residence.

I think she's just looking at his salary and thinking "I'd like some of that."

The brother's remarks were rude but anyone can just look up a house's estimated value online.

Don’t marry him. Iron clad rental agreement. 50-50 on bills but don’t let him
pay for a single bit of maintenance or repair because then he has a claim on the house. He is being a total dick to think that it isn’t fair - while paying you a small rent he can also be paying off the mortgage on his own flat which will eventually end up mortgage free. He’s doing very nicely out of you, anything more is starting to look like deliberate financial abuse. His brother clearly has an eye on your financials as well.

Personally I’d kick him out now but that’s just my total distrust of the entire male population.

50 50 is fair. You are making sure he does not benefit from your mortgage free house and you don’t benefit from his higher wages. By halving daily bills both of you benefit than if you lived separately and I’d like to think you both benefit in other ways.
If you were the higher earner would you honestly expect to pay more?

If you don't intend to share assets and become a financial partnership, 50/50 and a small rent to reflect his ability to rent out his flat bearing in mind he will have CGT in future is fair. However, after living together for two years are you intending marriage or kids and blending of finances? If so you should be moving to proportionate to income and no rent.

This. He's renting out his flat and benefiting from that! Straying into cocklodger territory here...

Btw, the renovations on your house - whose idea were they?

I agree with him. You aren’t joining finances if you both retain assets separately. If he subsidises living costs you have more money to do repairs so he is paying for the property upkeep and renovations. You are basically saying share your income so I can improve my wealth. That I won’t share.

Unless you combine wealth and income you are both responsible for your own expenses. Which is fine as two healthy adults with no dependency.

Anyway his take home pay won’t be 50% higher as he pays more in tax than the OP.

NO RENT it’s not worth jeopardising the sole ownership of your house for a few hundred pounds
it’s your house you pay for renovations
all consumables food and bills 50/50

Why not both rent your properties out & buy or rent somewhere neutral? That way you alone benefit from your mortgage free property?

The comment from his BIL was a little odd

Have you ever taken legal advice on protecting your asset now you're living together?

@NotNowGertrude Sensible message - thank you. Yes I took legal advice and set up a cohabitaiton agreement when he moved in. I know the perils of sharing a home one of you owns otherwise. Nice idea to buy somewhere neutral, just problem is not sure we can afford that at the moment. My house is also ideal for both our work/lives and where we want to be right now.

@Thelonelygiraffe He suggested some renovations, but only what he'd do to improve the property, not telling me to do it - though he did put ideas in my head many of which I have paid for and done.

@GOODCAT thank you - that's helpful as no we're not married, and not sure either of us wants to get married, so how it is at the moment with separate finances is ok. Not sure about combining weatlh - I'm a bit scared of all that stuff as I don't have family and have inherited money which I want to keep safe tbh. I also really don't have his earning power in my job. So this feels the best way for now and I agree on 50/50 split being fair.

@NotNowGertrude that might be an idea to both rent out in a year or two though...thanks.

@GOODCAT no kids - too old now! Shared animals though!!

I think I get confused because I hear all sorts about how to split finances, but I think a lot of it probably relates to if you're married and combining wealth, and we aren't - certainly not at the moment. I think we probably both feel wary of doing this anyway. I just also want to make it fair to both of us and plan ahead to how we can both make it work - but then I guess how it is right now it is fair, as he's also able to pay chunks off his mortgage on his flat, while living in the house, while my everyday bills are reduced as we share food/utility costs etc.