Feeling lonely in marriage

[Bumbleby]

We have been married a long time, children all adults, only one still at home. We both work, combination of at home and office. Dh has a long commute and pre COVID he would get home around 8.30pm from his 9-5 job, at this point as our children were not needing me, I started feeling lonely. I needed to be home after work to feed and walk the dog etc, cook our tea etc. Previously, his late working was less of an issue, as I was busy with the children, running them to activities etc
Since lockdown and working from home more, we have been together most of the time but I can see how slowly he works, saying he just has an email to send, then he will be finished, but that can take an hour. As he no longer has a long commute every evening, he goes to leisure centre at least one evening a week, usually 2, another club one evening a week, then when he commutes for his 2 days, will often not get home before 8.30pm, unless he has an evening activity he wants to get to, then he can be home by 7pm. Almost every other week he can be out at a work social event until late
On the evenings he is home, by the time he sits down with me, he falls asleep on the sofa. Then wakes up around 10pm to make us both a drink, I will go to bed around 11pm, thinking he will follow when he has locked up etc, but sometimes he will end up coming to bed at 1 or 2am.
Tonight he is still working and it is now 10.15pm
We have an adult child at home that has some health issues and is lonely due to not being able to lead an indepent life at the moment, so feel I can't just go out everynight and do my own thing.
The problem is it is impossible to talk to my DH about this issue as he is very sensitive to me being at all upset about anything he may be doing that I may object to. He becomes emotional, unable to have a calm discussion, then this progresses to him being miserable and constantly checking with me if I still like him anymore. He blows everything out of proportion. I really can't be bothered to go through this everytime I want to discuss how I feel about anything in our relationship, it only makes me feel worse. I feel lonely and that I am not being prioritised. I don't think it is deliberate on his part but I am at a loss on how to address this, without having to deal with his emotional reactions to raising any issues with how I feel about any of his behaviours
Any tips on how to handle this please?

His over emotional response to you trying to have a conversation could be a strategy to stop you questioning him. This unwillingness to communicate sounds very wearing. Would you consider couples counselling to help improve your communication issues?
Also as he is out socialising in the evenings several times a week, on the days he is home he could be company for your adult child, and you could go out and do something for yourself. A fitness class at the leisure centre, an evening class or whatever appealed.

Thanks Seaoftroubles for your response. Yes I could and should use some of the time he is not out to go out myself. I am not good at thimking of things I want to do. I don't resent him going out, but would like on the days he doesn't, to feel he could stay awake or not work as late, to show I am as important as his job.
I feel we all have to work around his schedule as he seems to have difficulties prioritising the right order to do things and takes so long to get things done.
As an example, he is going into the office today, set the alarm for 6.15, over an hour later after getting up, he has not finished his breakfast. He still needs his shower and to get dressed, which will also take ages and probably won't leave until at least 8am for a commute he says will be over 90 minutes. Meanwhile I am not able to get ready, in order to leave bathroom free for him so he can get out to work. It is not possible to rush him.
I feel a monster for being so intolerant and like I am a constant nag finding fault with him, but my life revolves around his priorities, previously it was around the children and I have made a rod for my own back.
I agree his emotional response to any issue I may raise is very waring and has lead to me avoiding discussing things and trying just to fit in with him to make life easier. In the past, I have suggested couples counselling, his response is they just try to split you up. I am also reluctant at present as if our adult child knew we were having counselling, it would cause them stress, which would not be good at the moment
I am wondering if I can find a better way of phrasing conversations when I am frustrated by his behaviours in order to improve our communication and help avoid his dramatkc reactions

@Bumbleby lt really shouldn't be so hard! How old are you both and has he always been so inflexible and set in his ways?

You certainly shouldn't have to tiptoe round him trying to rephrase your conversations to prevent him going off the deep end! I would push again for couples counselling, explain to him it's about keeping couples together, not splitting them up! Also it could help you to communicate your needs better.
On a practical note stop prioritising his requirements.Your morning routine for example; lf he spends an hour having his breakfast you can use the bathroom then, you certainly shouldn't have to wait on him! Just don't make yourself so secondary OP. If he won't change then you really need to.