I really don't know if I am over reacting or not. How would you feel?

[UndecidedDora]

I have been with my husband almost 10 years.

I used to trust him, now Im not sure.

He works with a lot of females, younger than him. Young, free single type girls. Pretty. All around 18 years old.

He talked about one girl alot, I told him it made me uncomfatable, so he stopped.

I found her number in his mobile, no reason for him to have it really.

I found he was txting her at work, just jokes and stuff.

We are both on face book, I am his wife and hes never sent me a message , wrote on my wall, sent me a picture ect.

He stays on the PC after I go to bed.

I went on Facebook and it automatically logged in as him. I was really confused at first as I thought it was my account and was wondering who these people were.

There are LOADS of girls on there.

I thought he didnt really use facebook at all because id never recieved anything from him, I thought he had set it up and forgotten.

But hes drawn funny cartoons sent them out, writing on these girls 'walls' ect

and there are picture of him on girls profiles. Him at work with his arms around their shoulders.

I told him I had found the pics and he said 'so what'

He feels nothing is wrong.

But I have worked with alot of people and never had my phot taken with them.

I feel like 'Who are these girls?! And why do they feel they can plaster pictures of themselves with MY husband on the net?!'

I feel so shitty.

Am I over reacting?

Great post littlewoman. I think the point you made are exactly what got me passed the times I felt like the OP. Once our children were passed the tiny stage we would go out as regularly as we could as a couple leaving MIL to babysit and go for a meal and go to the pub and go dancing snog on the way home kind of thing I felt more part of the real world again rather than a frump at home.

I also stopped letting myself be like that, I got my long hair cut off, updated my wardrobe and made the effort to get dressed every day rather than chuck on whatever had least sick on it.

Actually OverMyDeadBody and postingatlast you can restrict your feed and parts of your profile from particular friends, so he may well have been hiding parts of his FB activities from his DW.

I agree that you are overreacting though, madamez is probably on the money.

Seeing pictures of your DH out of the home, being happy and carefree with other people you don't know can be sort of a weird shock - seeing someone so familiar in an unfamiliar context. When you feel good about yourself, it's one of those lovely surprises that can make you remember why you fell in love with them (seeing them as for the first time iyswim) but if you're feeling insecure it can aggravate that as they seem disconnected from you and it can make you afraid.

There should be room here for a reassuring conversation, "wow, I just saw all these pictures of you on FB, was weird to see you with people I don't know. It made me feel kind of left out." i.e. tell him how it made you feel without making out that he should feel bad for anything, when there isn't really much reason to think he should.

UndecidedDora, I am on your side and know where you are coming from! I agree with the others that his friendships are innocent and you should let it go, but it would hurt me.

When DH and I met almost 9 years ago, he loved me because I was a free spirit, independant financially and a good laugh. we had great fun together, went out all the time. I was fit, always at the gym, wore nice clothes and had a great sense of humour. I was self-confident and fun.

Now, after 3 kids (youngest 16wks) I feel crap. I look crap (not so much time for the gym, though I try!) My body has gone to pot, and I am ashamed of it (although DH says I look great etc), I work p/t, but am mostly a SAHM, which I love, but I feel like DH has a whole other life that I know nothing about, and I only have the one he's in. I feel I am boring, emotional, insecure and ugly! On the surface I am a happy, capable person. I am not depressed. I just know that I am not the same person DH fell in love with. But he IS the same person I fell in love with. I am trying (have lost most of the baby weigt, going to the gym etc)

I'm guessing it's insecurity and a bit of jealousy that is making you feel this way- I know how that feels. I love my kids, but it sometimes feels that the guy gets to have it all- kids AND a life! If I found photos like that of my DH it would make me upset too. I KNOW you are all right when you say there is nothing to worry about, but I think I understand UNdecidedDora feeling that way.

My DH is still gorgeous, whereas I've gone from having lots of admirers and confidence, to having a social life based around other mums and old men at the park (sounds worse than it is!) If someone wolf-whistled in my vicinity I wouldn't even turn round, cos it wouldn't be for me!! Whereas I could see how DH might have admirers. Its all just a bit unequal now