Relationship mess

[Loopylambs]

I am divorced with 2 teen DC . I am in a relatively new relationship with my DP , he is going through a long and messy divorce . We get on really well but here is the problem. His DD 9 lives 4 hours away from me with her Mother. DP currently works and lives near me and sees his DD whenever he can . He would like to have a 50/50 childcare agreement with his x but nothing is decided yet . He would have to move back nearer to her if this happened, find a new job and somewhere to live. I am settled with a job I enjoy and children settled in school , they have had enough upheaval from divorce so I don’t want to move to where his DD lives.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Should I wait and see what happens with his DD or end it now if no future together ?

If I liked him, I'd just keep it casual and non-exclusive.

I think you should encourage him to be around for his dd even if he doesn't get 50/50, so no, I wouldn't see much of a future there.

4 hours away is too far for him to move away from her, whatever the outcome. If he even contemplated it, my respect for him would plummet through the floor.

Oh I see he's already living far away from her - well, I think you should encourage him to move back nearer.

Why has he moved so far away in the first place? Or was it the mother? Not much point in continuing if he is 4 hours away.

Mother moved with his DD 4 hours away but he still works and lives near me.

Tough one. In all honesty it’s a big conversation to have early on but if he wants 50/50 custody he is definitely moving away from you. So you just wouldn’t see each other. He will be 4 hours away so assuming traffic is good and you both have the weekend free, you’ll get a small amount of time Friday, Saturday and a bit of Sunday. But you need an end goal…you would have to move to him…disrupt your life if you ever want to be together. Do you want to do that..

Tbh it sounds like the circumstances just aren't meant to be. I think even if he doesn't get 50/50, he should be looking to move nearer to his DD anyway, and from my understanding if there wasn't any abuse involved and he wants 50/50, he'll likely get it.

How recently divorced are you? I find it a bit overwhelming just imagining going through a divorce myself, finally feeling settled, then meeting someone who's going through a "long and messy" divorce themselves. I think in your shoes, I'd opt for a simpler, quieter life.

Agree with PP. If he cares about his DD as he should he needs to move a lot closer to her. An 4 hour trip/8 hour round trip is too much.

Thanks for replies , I agree will be too far and not meant to be.

yellowsmileyface my divorce took years and only finalised in last few months. His is even worse . The last thing I thought would happen would be meeting someone else , just wanted to be settled again with kids peacefully . Not sure if he will get 50/50 , impossible with his current job as he has to do lots of travelling. Fate will decide what happens I guess .