Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Coincidence or deliberate. A strange one !

20 replies

strangely · 23/08/2023 19:13

This is my first post and I deliberately joined to ask your opinions on this so please bear with me if I'm not immediately clear on facts.
It's not a big thing but it's bothering me somewhat.

I am in a new relationship.it's casual and suits us both. We are mid forties.
We are both divorced with children and we both have exes from the recent past.
My ex partner and I dont have contact. No upset but no contact as there is no need for that.
My new boyfriends ex continues to text and message him hoping for reconciliation and at times is very emotional and upset. It can lead to insults and hurt words on her part.
They remained friends on Facebook but have had no interaction.
I am also friends with my boyfriend on Facebook and we don't interact either as I don't want my kids knowing I am seeing someone just yet.
His ex has appeared every day on my suggested friends list , a couple of times per day. This could be innocent and the algorithms have picked up on the mutual friends thing or she could be looking at my feed.
I got a little worried as I noticed that each time my boyfriend and I were on line chatting, she was also on line. Then I got two notifications on messenger that I was unable to access despite trying everything to find.
She accidentally liked a post of mine and quickly deleted it, it seems and that's when I decided to block her account. My gut was telling me that she was hovering a bit.
Then I realised that she has deleted her entire account and with that , the two notifications have disappeared from my messenger icon.
Please tell me what was going on here. Coincidental or deliberately looking at my feed. I don't even know how she knows about me, that's if she does .
Sorry if it's convoluted . Thank you for reading. I hope I didn't confuse you.

OP posts:

Pimpmyfeet · 23/08/2023 20:38

Are you sure she has deleted her account and hasn’t just blocked you as well so you can’t see her profile? Has she disappeared from your boyfriend’s Facebook (if you are able to ask him). It sounds like classic upset/jealous ex who has been “stalking” your profile. Personally I would ask my new boyfriend to shut down the texts about getting back together but perhaps it doesn’t bother you as much

lto2019 · 23/08/2023 21:12

She has probably been stalking his account and there is something that shows recently added friends so she has looked at your profile or what she can see of it to see if it is likely you are a new relationship/friend/relative etc. Having realised she has liked something of yours - has blocked you!

Original poster

strangely · 23/08/2023 21:23

Thanks.
She has definitely deleted her account but to me it seemed rather coincidental that she did so right after I blocked hers. I only did that because it felt weird to me that a person I don't know seemed to be regularly looking and to find me was not easy in itself, I would have thought.
I guess I was trying to figure out why she would have done that? I found it weird or maybe I'm being weird and paranoid!

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 23/08/2023 21:33

Are you sure they are separated. Like, you go to his house a lot and there is nothing to suggest a woman lives there?

RandomForest · 23/08/2023 21:36

You are in a new relationship, with ex's you freely admit are in the recent past, I find it odd that you don't inderstand that his ex is probably trying to piece together whats gone on in her life.

Sometimes we have a narative that suits us perfectly, sometimes that narative doesn't suit others.

Original poster

strangely · 23/08/2023 21:37

I'm positive that it's over. No concerns there.
I don't understand the comment about the narrative sometimes suiting ourselves and others ?

OP posts:

Mari9999 · 23/08/2023 21:51

@strangely
I personally think that it is strange that adults get so worked up about SM. You know that she gets angry and hurts insults at him, so on some level you are informed or following her responses. Is it then so surprising that she might have the same level of curiosity about you?

Sometimes people end relationships and subsequently decide or feel as though they made a mistake. There really is nothing wrong with that. There is no law or protocol against wanting a partner back.

Her wanting him back in no way effects you unless or until he begins to share similar feelings.

I think many adults would be happier if they did not try to conduct so much of their life on SM.

whatsappdoc · 23/08/2023 22:19

This is a good time to look at your privacy settings. Set to friends only then only people you know can see your posts and comment.

Original poster

strangely · 23/08/2023 22:29

I just did that and the setting were all on public. I never knew , thanks.

OP posts:

whatsappdoc · 23/08/2023 22:33

It's a bit scary when you realise the whole world has been able to see your posts! 🤣

Straycatblue · 23/08/2023 22:33

strangely · 23/08/2023 21:23

If you blocked her first ... which it looks like you did.... she will vanish from everything & so it can look like she's deleted her account but in fact because you've blocked her she is now hidden from you by your own hand & you won't be able to see her if you search for her or see any comments she's made or any messages she's sent

Re the 2 notifications vanishing at same time this could be related to you blocking her as anything related to her will vanish as a result of you blocking her.

In messenger there is an area called
"Message Requests" which has 2 folders where messages from people who aren't on you friends list might get delivered to instead of your Inbox

1)You may know
2) Spam

It may be she has messaged you & her message has gone to one of these folders instead

However..... you would have to unblock her to check & I think FB makes you wait 24hrs after unblocking before you can block anyone again (I might be wrong about that)

On an android phone you choose the 3 dashes nxt to Chats on top left then choose "Message Requests " then there are two tabs to go between "Spam" or "You May Know" but unblock first or any messages from her won't be visible

Hawkins009 · 23/08/2023 22:35

strangely · 23/08/2023 21:37

I'm positive that it's over. No concerns there.
I don't understand the comment about the narrative sometimes suiting ourselves and others ?

I think it means we choose to believe because it fits our perspectives

Hawkins009 · 23/08/2023 22:35

What about using an alias account @strangely ?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/08/2023 23:09

She’s jealous and hurting and she’s looking at your profile

very human behaviour
not sure what else there is to say really

it’s not a threat and probably hurts her more

Original poster

strangely · 23/08/2023 23:25

Checked to see if it's me blocked or account deleted ( from my friends account) but it's account deleted.

OP posts:

Littlemisslonley · 23/08/2023 23:36

Block her and leave her blocked.

Are you worried your boyfriend and ex have something going on in the background have you brought it up with him?-

Original poster

strangely · 23/08/2023 23:43

I have no concerns about them. I found the whole thing odd and strangely coincidental but was wondering if it was me over thinking.

OP posts:

Littlemisslonley · 23/08/2023 23:45

strangely · 23/08/2023 23:43

I have no concerns about them. I found the whole thing odd and strangely coincidental but was wondering if it was me over thinking.

I'd have my wits about me with the situation with her. I'd ignore her now though as it she didn't exist however just be wary with the boyfriend as she seems crazy and would do anything. Just my personal thought xx

Pinkbonbon · 23/08/2023 23:45

Sounds like she realised she was obsessing too much and needed to step away from the Internet for a while.

I don't think she's an issue unless he's doing anything seedy like taking trips away with her or keeps bringing her up or comparing her or anything.

It's normal to have a snoop on your exs new gf.
Especially if she thinks you might be around her kids at some point too. I think blocking her for accidently liking a pic was a bit harsh tbh. I mean its not like she's spiteful or anything.

Original poster

strangely · 23/08/2023 23:48

I blocked her because for weeks she was coming up every single time on suggested friends. Think it was a knee jerk reaction tbh. The like was a small thing but a step too far for me.

OP posts:

Flip