I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. His background is that he was married for 20 years and discovered that she was frequently cheating on him so divorced her. He was devastated at the time. Following that, he had another long term relationship which ended and then he and I got together.
When they first separated, she would turn up at places she knew he would be and try and win him back. This stopped when he got into his next long term relationship. And they were able to be friendly for the sake of their children. As far as I understand, their paths didn't really cross socially and she left him alone other than co-parenting.
When his relationship ended, she contacted him and asked if they could try again. This was nearly 10 years after they divorced and she was in serious co-habiting relationship by then. He told her no and that was that. Then we got together. When she found out, she did the same again.
He obviously told her no and now she has started turning up at places she'll know he'll be again.
They weren't friends on any SM but not blocked either because it wasn't necessary. When we got together, she started following him on fb and has recently started commenting on his posts of us together etc. Nothing sinister but the nature of them was quite 'territory marking' and not in keeping with the nature of their current relationship like an implied closeness and friendliness that doesn't exist in reality. Comments to him not us. So he blocked her.
One of his hobbies is very longstanding and very public and she has started also following their page so she knows where he is going to be for this hobby. She has joined fb groups he's in specifically because he is in them. Ones related to the hobby that she has no interest in other than him being in them too so she knows where he is and what he's doing. And she turns up at most, if not all, public events again.
None of this is a particular problem. He thinks she's ridiculous but it doesn't bother him. However, the first time she did it, she was quite friendly towards me but all in relation to him - a glowing reference of him as a partner, I seemed lovely and she was glad he'd found me etc. But every other time she's been quite hostile.
On every other occasion, she has just stood there staring at me. I thought to begin with that maybe she wasn't looking at me at all or that she didn't recognise me but then I was talking to someone else and she was standing 6 feet away from me, on her own facing me and just staring at me. I smiled at her thinking maybe I just looked like I was staring too! But she didn't smile back. Now, she stands there either staring at me or looking me up and down and just giving me childish dirty looks.
He knows but he doesn't see it because he's doing his hobby thing and she doesn't do it when we are together. So he agrees it is weird but doesn't really think much of it.
He doesn't really mind if she turns up. He thinks its odd that she wants to but it's a public place and she quite often turns up with one of their children (who are adults now) and he can hardly dictate where she goes in public! She doesn't really speak to him very much but does try to catch his attention. And then stands there staring at me stony faced!
He's even joked that if we got married, he wouldn't be surprised if she turned up. The worst thing is that I think he's probably right! And i don't think he'd turn her away if she did either so as not to upset the children and cause a fuss.
She didn't do any of this while he was in his last long term relationship. She wasn't an issue and so even bringing it up feels like a 'me problem'.
I know I should (and do) just ignore but i dont like the hostility and I'm getting to the point where I don't want to go to these events because I can't relax and enjoy it with someone standing there staring at me.
And I'm not even sure why she's doing it in the first place when she didn't do it to his previous girlfriend at all.
Any suggestions?