I'm so worried. Not sure if I should post here or in teens as I'm not sure what I should do as a parent.
We're from UK but live abroad. My lovely 16 yo DD has started seeing a very dodgy guy. He's 19, works as a waiter in a restaurant and gets a room above the restaurant. I haven't quite understood his background, it's a mix of local but als western, apparently went to school in western country, dropped out at 16 and a couple of years ago he moved here and works as a waiter in this touristy part of the city (I guess because he speaks fluent English).
He is VERY good looking, all about fitness and his social media is all about showing this off. Seems quite narcisstic to me but I guess a lot of young people do this.
However, all of this would be OK - totally prepared to give people a chance and the main thing is character and this is where the real concern begins.
My older DD knows about this guy, he dated a friend of hers, and he's meant to be abusive and a pathological liar. So that's a red flag.
He's got this story that he has lung cancer (as a teenager)? But he smokes and he seems in excellent health. DD says he can't get treatment in the country we're in when I asked if he was being treating. Of course it could be true but the chances of a teen getting lung cancer are fleetingly tiny and then being in such good health and having this story and not having treatment? And to be smoking too??? Another red flag.
But the worst thing here is that they had an argument a couple of weeks ago. Apparently, he yelled at her to get out and when she was going to do so, he held her wrists to stop her leaving. She told this to her older sister who told us. She said seh was scared and he held her wrists so tight that he left a mark and that he was laughing at that. DD said she decided to leave him after that.
However.....she's gone back to him. He called and called and apologized. I've spoken to DD since then but she says older DD is exaggerating and that it wasn't as bad as it's being made out to be. Of course, this is classic minimizing and I do believe that it was as bad as she originally reported to older DD.
I am SO worried and I don't know what to do for the best. She's 16, I still have some control and leverage over her as her parent. But I don't want to create a situation where I'm forcing this on her. I want her to come to the realization of how fucked up this is. She's most insistent that she's told him it'll never rhappen again and she'll leave if it does. I'm terrified something worse might happen.
How do I keep my DD safe? How do I open her eyes to the severity of what happened? Is there any possibility this was a one-off (I find it hard to imagine, especially given it is SO early on in the relationship).
She wants to go see him after school today. i've told her no, that he can come to us where at least i"m around (working from home today) so I know she won't come to any harm. We'll see if she does what I ask...