Affair help

[RubyM42]

Husband and I have been together for 17 years and have 2 daughters, 11 and 9.
Hisband works long hours and due to this never helped around the house /cooking or much childcare. He was often critical of the ways I did things, and in the past 4 years has thrown water over me in an argument, has hit me in the back when we were in bed (during a heated conversation)
Anyway, I met someone and had a fling with him and it sounds ridiculous but I think I’m in love with him.
I know I love my husband deep down which is why I’ve stayed all these years. It’s not all been bad!
Sinve the affair has come to light he has been very attentive to me, while I want to enjoy this I feel like part of my heart is with this OM. i feel so confused

Do you mean that your dh has been attentive in giving you lots of sex like your affair partner?

No my emotional needs

So your DH knows and has decided to stick by you? What does the OM think about it all? Does he want long term with you?

He wants to see me again and says he misses me we don’t live near each other

I'm not sure I could deep down love someone who threw water over me and hit me in the back.

Maybe it would be best for you to split from your partner and end it completely with AP and work on yourself?

Have you heard of limerence? Since you’re describing being in love with a relationship that you characterise as a fling it may apply here. I’d have a think about the fantasy vs. reality of your situation.

Another point is that right now your husband might be doing a pick me dance. It’s a common reaction to infidelity but it generally doesn’t last. His reaction to your betrayal will develop over time and you‘ll both have to put a lot of work in if you want your marriage to continue (especially given the other issues you’ve described).