Unreasonable friend? How often do you see tours.

[Dinky45]

Known her 17 years. We are mid 30s. For as long as I can remember she's made me feel guilty or bad if I'm not free when she's lonely or off work. She works Friday and Saturday nights. Then 2 mornings a week. She's not free any evenings as her children are with her when she's not working.

She has always wanted me to be free on her Wednesday or Monday when she's off. I work Mondays and Wednesdays are hit and miss. Honestly sometimes on my days off I wanna do my house work or get on with something. But I try see her. All I ever get is "it seems like your never free" "I never see you these days" "you are always having to work on your day off"

Then today she messaged hoping Thursday or Friday evening I could go out. Fair enough but I've got my kids both nights. She replied "your ex always gets to go out and you hardly ever get to see anyone" I replied back and disagreed saying we both get 1 or 2 evenings a week to socialise but you are usually unavailable evenings yourself. She then said it seems I got alot of time to see my boyfriend. Again this is weekends and one evening a week whilst the kids are at their dad's.

She's made me feel guilty like this for years. But honestly ofcourse my boyfriends going to get my time.

I feel like she's being unfair. It feels like she should be able to communicate more positively. I saw her 2 weeks ago for a meal. This weekly demand is hard.

How often do you see your friends??

I have just posted a similar thread. I totally know how you are feeling. I can’t take the guilt and expectations. Big hugs!

She wants to see you every week? Bloody hell, that's a lot. Does she have any other friends? How is she when you are together?

Stop being so available for someone who makes you feel guilty and irritated.

I have very close friends that I see only once a month because we are both busy.

Never any question of being made feel guilty.

Step away.

Thanks for the replies. She is one of these people that can't stay at home and doesn't like being home without plans. I know she's attempted dating the last 2 years and she will say to these men Sundays are the only day she's free.

I am overwhelmed with her. I work Monday l, Thursday and Friday for 5 hours. Then I go clean my parents for 2 hours a week. I also have my own children and house. So really I get 1 or 2 days a week that's are "days off" and let's face it when else am I going to clean up my own house and have a breather.

She's making me question if I'm a good friend. She has the odd other person yes. Sometime these people will cancel on her quite abit. There's one person she said kept cancelling on her from work recently. But she has spent a couple of weekends with her lately.

I feel I've hit a point in life where I just let someone down whatever I do. Sounds dramatic but even my parents get frustrated on the weeks I do overtime and can't get to them or school holidays limit me.

@Doveylc I will go read your post. Im sorry to hear you are going through it too x

Of someone makes you feel guilty and bad they're not your friend. That's the advice I give my teenager and it seems like it applies to this situation too.

*If

She sounds batshit. I'd try distance yourself

I feel I've hit a point in life where I just let someone down whatever I do.

It sounds to me like it's not that you're letting someone down more that too many people want too many pieces of you.

She is one of these people that can't stay at home and doesn't like being home without plans.
even my parents get frustrated on the weeks I do overtime and can't get to them or school holidays limit me

I know it's difficult to say no when we already do something regularly for people but putting yourself first isn't a crime. Let them get frustrated, let them employ a cleaner if they can't manage their own home. If you're finding yourself spending time with your friend to avoid her making you feel guilty rather than enjoying her company, something needs to change.

You are entitled to your own life @Dinky45 , learn to and don't feel guilty about saying no.

If you want to see her can’t she pop round for a cup of tea the evenings when you have your kids? After they’ve gone to bed?

I had a friend like this, just a work colleague!! But they would also be annoyed and have to make passive aggressive comments about time I spent with anyone else..which made me feel bad and like I couldn’t see/do anything without them.

They did something completely uncalled for in the end which shone a light on how selfish they were so I’ve cut them out - it’s wonderful!!

You only work 15 hours a week? You can't be that busy! Think the real issue is that friend isn't fun/you don't enjoy spending time with her. Don't get drawn into defending yourself in response to the guilt trip messages, just say "I'll be in touch when things calm down".

@Jibo
Rude. 15 hours a week with another 3 hours travelling over 3 days. A morning cleaning for my parents. Then I have a house to run. Kids to feed and collect from school. I also have the issue that my friend expects me to be free on the one day she's off work. Then I've got children in the evening. Should I leave them locked away so I can go out?