Once a cheat....?

[memooma]

I've been lurking on MN for a while now and have noticed that the vast majority of responses regarding cheating is 'once a cheat always a cheat' - but is this a fair conclusion?!

Why should that be the case? There are, of course, instances where people are habitual cheaters and are continually doing so due to a lack of something in their lives... but surely there will be people out there who have done it and regret it enough to never do it again?

People make mistakes, people make errors in judgement, people are idiots, but people are also able to change and make amends so why is it such an overwhelming consensus that if someone does it once they will do it again?

I think people are capable of change and growth so I think any blanket statement like this is redundant overall. It can never be known either way so not worth discussing either.

It's a mantra that usually holds true, that's all.

people who cheat have a certain profile that not only makes them more likely to do it again, but also makes them a pretty miserable company to be in relationship with

namely - they are egocentric (only seeing their own point of view) and selfish (they don't care for the hurt they have caused).

sure, there is tiny chance someone like this will change, but there is rarely sufficient motivation for them to do so and I am yet to meet an asshole who became a better person without there being some benefit to themselves in that

I cheated on exh. He was abusive and it started as a distraction from real life. I'm now with the man I cheated with. Very happy. I would never cheat on him.
Even though we both know the circumstances our relationship started we have complete trust in each other to stay faithful

Of course there are always exceptions to sweeping generalisations. I agree with others though that I think there's a psychological barrier that once that's been crossed, it's easier to cross it again in the future. Of course there are some people who cheat and feel such remorse, and do the work on themselves and their relationships to never cheat again, but I think for many more it becomes a habit.

The problem is if someone stays with a cheat, it sends a message to them that they can get away with it. It's not a relationship dealbreaker. This is why people usually advise to leave if a person has been cheated on.

It also just destroys the trust. No matter how much you work to get that trust back, it's so hard to fully trust a person again when they've betrayed you like that. There's a chance they'll never cheat again, but does that stop that uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach when they're late home from work, or they smile at something on their phone?

Essentially the best way to make sure a person doesn't cheat on you again is to leave the first time. At least it sends a message that it's unacceptable, and that person might be a bit more likely not to cross that line again in the future.