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Original poster

Husband faking orgasms

17 replies

Crispswithchocolate · 22/08/2023 13:58

I don’t know what to do. After a difficult couple of years (children ill, money worries, early menopause) our love life has suffered. We’re both aware of it and have been working to try to get back to how we want to be, though it hasn’t always been easy.
In the last couple of months I thought we’d really turned a corner and have been feeling the happiest I’ve felt in years. We’ve started having sex regularly again and I thought we were getting our physical closeness back.
Then, on Friday night we made love and something didn’t feel quite right. Not to give too much detail, but afterwards I suspected my husband hadn’t orgasmed. I’ve asked him this before but he always reassures me he has.
Anyway, after lots of asking on Friday night, he admitted he hadn’t, and hasn’t for months. He said he’s been suffering from ‘sex headaches’. I googled, they are a thing. Now my first reaction was panic that he was ill, but Doctor Google reassured me they are normally nothing serious, he literally only gets them during sex and he says they are starting to improve.
Since Friday night I’ve been feeling completely heartbroken, humiliated and so, so embarrassed that I haven’t realised before this that he’s been faking it. I don’t understand why he tricked me rather than just talk to me about what was going on. I also have no idea how we move forward.
I don’t know how we will know if the headaches have stopped, or if I can ever have sex with him again when I can’t trust whether he’s faking it or not.

OP posts:
TheYadaYada · 22/08/2023 14:06

How bizarre. I can’t say I have ever heard of a man faking it. I guess if you use condoms, you could be none the wiser.

Does he wank a lot? Could he be actually suffering from death grip syndrome?

Your reaction seems disproportionate. Think of all the women that fake it - I don’t suppose their partners are ‘heartbroken, humiliated and so, so embarrassed’ if they find out.

Priscil · 22/08/2023 14:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

CinnabarRed · 22/08/2023 14:40

Sex headaches are definitely a thing. The only cure is complete abstinence from orgasms for several weeks (from sex or masturbation). It happened to a boyfriend of mine, long ago, and after abstinence he was totally fine.

RealisticGuy · 22/08/2023 18:17

He was probably quite embarrassed by it and felt like he was both letting you down and that it would also hurt you to tell you, so I wouldn’t overthink it. Look up the best way to resolve it and go from there.

Smartiepants79 · 22/08/2023 18:22

RealisticGuy · 22/08/2023 18:17

He was probably quite embarrassed by it and felt like he was both letting you down and that it would also hurt you to tell you, so I wouldn’t overthink it. Look up the best way to resolve it and go from there.

I would agree with this.
It also sounds like there maybe quite a lot of expectation being put on this renewed ‘physical closeness’ that may have made it hard for him to tell you. He might have been afraid of disappointing you.
Only you can know if this has been done in an attempt to do the right thing or not.

Original poster
Crispswithchocolate · 22/08/2023 19:47

Thank you, I think you’re right Realistic and Smartie. We’ve just had a long conversation and I do believe that he thought he was doing it for the right reasons - he said the first time he got the headache he thought it was a one-off so he pretended, but then when they carried on he got himself in a situation he didn’t know how to get out of. I wish he’d told me from the outset, but I can see It why it was easier not to…

OP posts:
roundtable · 22/08/2023 19:55

@Crispswithchocolate I've pmed you. I hope that's okay.

MMmomDD · 22/08/2023 19:57

OP - your reaction somehow made this all about you. You feel deceived and devastated? 🤷🏻‍♀️
He didnt fake his erection, or didnt force himself onto you. He struggles with orgasming currently - and its his private issue. As it it for many women. Discussing it with a partner can happen - but only on his terms - if he wants to and if he finds it helpful.
Dont make it about you and let him deal with it on his own. If your want to actually fix your sex life.

Last thing you beed in the bedroom is a pressure on the other person to produce an orgasm

Nowfreefromangst · 22/08/2023 19:59

The headaches really are a thing!!! I suffered from them for a few months in my 20s. They were so bad, like awful migraines.
My doctor said they were probably due to stress, gave me migraines medication and said they would eventually stop if the stress reduced
Fortunately they did!
Hopefully they wont last.too long for your partner, but I do feel for him, as you have no idea if an orgasm is going to set one off and they are awful.

Mozzie1 · 23/08/2023 08:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 23/08/2023 08:14

Don't make this about you and bigger than it is.

Good that you've talked.

justasking111 · 23/08/2023 08:21

Viagra type drugs can induce headaches which aren't pleasant

Pumkinsareshortlived · 23/08/2023 08:21

MMmomDD · 22/08/2023 19:57

OP - your reaction somehow made this all about you. You feel deceived and devastated? 🤷🏻‍♀️
He didnt fake his erection, or didnt force himself onto you. He struggles with orgasming currently - and its his private issue. As it it for many women. Discussing it with a partner can happen - but only on his terms - if he wants to and if he finds it helpful.
Dont make it about you and let him deal with it on his own. If your want to actually fix your sex life.

Last thing you beed in the bedroom is a pressure on the other person to produce an orgasm

This, take the pressure off him in the bedroom. Improve other areas of your life and spend quality time together.
He needs to see a doctor if it continues as could be a medical issue.

Oneweektogo2023 · 23/08/2023 08:24

Get his BP checked too.

Oneweektogo2023 · 23/08/2023 08:24

Pharmacy do BP checks for free.

BeyondMyWits · 23/08/2023 08:28

Is he using viagra/sildenafil with a blood pressure issue? (Whether diagnosed or not). Tell him to get his blood pressure checked.

drpet49 · 23/08/2023 08:29

MMmomDD · 22/08/2023 19:57

OP - your reaction somehow made this all about you. You feel deceived and devastated? 🤷🏻‍♀️
He didnt fake his erection, or didnt force himself onto you. He struggles with orgasming currently - and its his private issue. As it it for many women. Discussing it with a partner can happen - but only on his terms - if he wants to and if he finds it helpful.
Dont make it about you and let him deal with it on his own. If your want to actually fix your sex life.

Last thing you beed in the bedroom is a pressure on the other person to produce an orgasm

This!

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