Would you find this acceptable?

[Beurla]

So I came across an old Twitter account of my partners.

Some of the comments he had put on women's posts I'm not happy about. We've been together a very long time, and in the last couple of years there has been another time where he was complimenting a woman on youtube - not like sexual or about her looks or anything - but really OTT complimenting her. This is all in public and visible though.

So the comment were along these lines -

Young woman - "that (football) penalty was the greatest thing I've ever seen..."... then there are 80 comments from others, then
Him - "gives me a hard on just thinking about it!"

(Different) young woman - "Some guy just messaged my friend saying he would (insert gross sexual thing) to me. Was feeling unconfident today as well! haha"... then there are hundreds of comments from others -
Him - "What kind of language is that to put on a public forum?!"
Him - "Looks like a conversation barbara bush had with herself" (eh?)
Him - " Not sure he'll be getting all the food groups!"
Someone else (yes, another woman) - "sounds like a backhanded compliment"
Him - "or a backdoored one!"

To me, this is him trying to get attention from these women. I sent him the screenshots and he is calling me mental and saying I am out of order and he has done absolutely nothing wrong. I'm gutted. He has changed in mid life and I hate it, I'm literally considering whether to stay in the relationship cause I've seen a totally different side to him. One of the reasons I always loved him was because he wasn't like other men like this!

Am I?

Those comments sound really weird. I don't use much social media myself so don't know if that's what people usually comment like, but I find posting those types of things really strange. Especially the hard on comment - introducing a sexual element really irrelevantly. The fact that he's gone mad at you rather than having a calm discussion would suggest to me he's defensive as he knows it inappropriate.

Yep. He’s been caught out.

Thanks for your replies.

I keep swinging between thinking that I am over-reacting and then thinking no I am not.

I've no idea what to do about it though.

If you don’t like what he has become, you end it. But maybe explore some couples counselling first.

@DustyLee123 I know, but I'm conflicted because we have been together a very long time (sunk costs fallacy?) and our relationship can be good. He would never go to counselling and we could never afford it anyway.

It’s gross; he is exactly the type of man you thought he wasn’t

We all have a private life

is be mortified if people in rl found me here

he’s being a teat but …

look how many women can be keyboard warriors on here

Are you excusing his stupid comments?

How did you come across this old twitter account? Are these comments you posted about recent ones? If your not happy you can walk away. My partner has been on twitter for years, I'm not on twitter but I've never felt an urge to look for his account to see what he posts.

@Tangelablue It wasn't some snooping exercise. He has another social media account which he openly and freely shares with me and often talks about, which used to contain a link to this twitter account.
Recently I went to this sm account and noticed the twitter link had suddenly gone and so I googled it and the comments are still there, although he has changed the account.

Bloody hell leave him alone. I'd be seriously upset if my DP shifted through my forum posts. They are just some throwaway comments, not remotely flirting.

Hmm I don't know. Why leave like 4 comments on the one post, when she never replied to any of them?

It's like he is trying to get her attention.

He's done the same before as well, like a year previously.

I'm completely torn between going with what you are saying, that I am being unreasonable, and the other side of it, that the man I knew would never respond to women on social media like this.

I've no idea what is going to happen to our relationship because he just gets angry and shuts off every time I try bring it up, and I'm not bringing it up all the time either, we seem to be existing in cycles of pleasantries and arrangements only - then blow ups about this, for a couple of weeks now.

Sorry, the comments are from last summer (2022) and he had done something similar but complimenting a particular woman a year before that.

Twitter's public unless he has a fake name.

Yeah it wasn't a secret or anything. He is always trying to get me to watch links to stuff he's put on his YouTube account, and this twitter account was clearly linked to on his YouTube. I remember him telling me he'd joined it.

I noticed recently he had removed the link and then when I went to the twitter, these comments were there.

I think he just thought I wouldn't look, but I could have at the time.

I just don't know. I'm quite down about it all. I've been supporting him through depression for a couple of years too, and he is sometimes hard to live with. Not abusive or anything, just woe is me and lacking motivation, but it just feels like I'm getting the worst of him whilst he is trying to be someone he's not (or at least I didn't think he was) on social media.

Whit?
I can't even understand those comments to be honest.

You are over reacting. I'd be ragin if my partner combed through my old sm accounts.

Just finish with him.

@Cosycover Are you him? lol

I would 'just finish with' him, but after nearly two decades and dc, I am not sure.

Does he drink? That group of messages seem a bit all over the place…
personally, I wouldn’t be ending my marriage over a few silly comments. He just sounds a bit lost to me

@User10932 No, he does not drink at all. The group of messages was separate comments he made to one woman's twitter post. At different times, over 2 days. She only 'liked' some of his replies, but never replied herself. It feels like he was replying multiple times in the hope that she would reply.

He has 'form' for similar. A year before that he was on youtube complimenting some other woman on how intelligent she was and how much he missed her appearances when she wasn't on, over and over ...

I really don't know. We have both been through hard times in the past couple of years and these comments, they just make me want to give up trying on the relationship at all. It's not even the comments, it's his complete refusal to acknowledge them at all. He's probably trying to deflect since I can be like a dog with a bone, but still, there is no sorting it out when he won't even talk about it and is refusing to even acknowledge he even sent them.