Should I keep up the contact ?

[vithit]

I met the loveliest guy in May. We had lots of great dates and nights away. During that time,several upsetting and serious things happened in his life that he became consumed with, for honest reasons. He became obsessed talking about them and was distracted.

After approx eight weeks, he said he couldn't continue with seeing one another and it was for very valid reasons... the family issues, distance, illness , time.

I was and am disappointed but he asked if we could reconnect when some of those family issues straightened out, maybe in few months. He said that I had his number and to feel free to ring him anytime.
I replied saying that I wished him the best, to mind himself and his family and that we may indeed meet if circumstances allow. Also to feel free contacting me as well.

We've exchanged a few texts in the last month since we've seen one another. Very pleasant, respectful and humorous.
Just keeping each other in the loop , as it were.Nothing suggestive or inappropriate.

There isn't another woman involved, for context.
He hasn't suggested meeting and nor have I.
Would you bother keeping this up?
He text late last night after a week or so. I haven't replied yet.
Is he keeping me on a hook or do you get from my post, which I've been as factually clear as possible, that he genuinely would like to keep channels open?

Anyone please?

Why are you so sure there is nobody else involved at his end ?

By all means continue texting with the guy if you like him, but I'd also be open to other dating possibilities. I think if a guy really likes you, then he wouldn't be postponing you, but equally I can see if it was something all encompassing like a DP is seriously ill and things need sorting out it might be complicated.

Thanks for responding firstly.
100% sure there isn't a woman.
He has a viral disease that is quite debilitating and caused fatigue and needs lots of appointments. It should be sorted symptomatically in a few months.
More than anything he seems ashamed about his current situation and doesn't want me involved in any of it which I believe to be the truth.
On top of that he has some serious family illness and financial issues that are causing him great stress.
He lives 80 miles from me and is in process of building a house with legal issues involved. Quite simply a mess at the moment as are his living arrangements.
It's a no go right now.
Don't want to be a mug either iykwim.
I'm not waiting around.
My life ain't no bed of roses either at the moment though so I really have little interest in anyone else.

Pardon me, I should have answered your question.
I'm sure because we have mutual friends and a distant cousin in common.

Ok well his reasons sound genuine then, particularly if the viral disease is due to be resolved in a few months then maybe it's all kosher.

I don't think you're being a mug if you keep in touch on a friendly basis, I would keep your responses to the same level as his.

Maybe give yourself a timeframe- if things haven't moved on by say Christmas or whatever feels suitable- then drop the rope at that point.

I mean if it was me I’d want someone around while I was going through this stuff as a shoulder to cry on, maybe someone to take my mind off of things etc. then again we are all different. I’d say, take his word that he doesn’t want to continue seeing you. There seems to be much more to this than his illness, he stated distance, and that isn’t going to get any better. Maybe he just wants to know you on a friendship basis? Keep in touch by all means if you want, but I’d be going on dates with others and moving on with my life if I’m honest. I think if he really, really liked you, then he would make it work even though there are all of these things that seem to be holding him back.

“he asked if we could reconnect when some of those family issues straightened out, maybe in few months. He said that I had his number and to feel free to ring him anytime.”

Err, he’s the one with the issues and time constraints that are messing with his head enough for him to want to pause the relationship. So the ball’s in his court to reach out to you when he’s more settled. Not expect you to be the one making the contact.

All he’s done there is keep you dangling. Even if he does get straightened out, he’s having a house built 80 miles away. Do you want a long distance thing? Is he, and all of this, really worth the hassle this soon into the relationship?

Personally, I’d let this drift.

Sounds like he could be genuine. It's easy on MN to jump to the conclusion that you're being messed around, but sometimes life circumstances do just get in the way.

Seeing as your texts are quite infrequent, I'm inclined to say it wouldn't hurt to stay in communication for the time being. It depends though on whether you're feeling quite emotionally invested, and whether you feel like you're waiting around for him to become available. If it's something that's bothering you or taking up a lot of headspace, perhaps best to move on. However, if you feel able to emotionally detach until he's able to offer you more, it might be worth seeing how things go.

I’m in a similar boat, only we stopped seeing each other as he was a single dad and his ex wife wasn’t seeing the kids and his elderly parents were struggling to mind the kids when we met up. He claimed things would change in the summer for various reasons. We didn’t message at all for a month or so as I was quite annoyed with him for the way he went about it all then he got in touch. We have messaged every 7-10 days or so; but short exchanges. I’m beginning to think nothing will change, I have started not replying for a while as he takes ages getting back to me. I doubt it will restart. I haven’t not dated anyone else because of this but because of other reasons that have meant its been difficult to get out recently.

I would keep contact with him as friends but I wouldn't wait for him. If things improve for him and he is able and you haven't met anyone and you like him, then great, but if you meet someone else you meet someone else. No harm in being friends :)

Tbh I'd move on and find someone who has a lot less going on in their life . I know things happen to people beyond their control .. but the financial issues , legal issues etc etc . Some people just make poor decisions and end up with chaos . It shouldn't be this much angst and hard work early on in a relationship. I'd wish him well and get looking for someone on a move even keel .

He may very well be genuine, but he is still keeping you dangling OP. I’d move on.

If he wanted to prioritise a relationship, or you, he would be doing that.

When you say 'I'm not waiting around', what does that mean? Isn't your post 'Should I wait around?', in essence?

No. I wouldn’t be waiting around for someone who is long distance with an ongoing illness and a load of stress.

Hi,

A friend of mine always says 'what is meant for you, shall not pass you by' and you deserve someone who is going to be as invested in you, as you are in them. This could be a case of just meeting him at the wrong time and he just needs to concentrate all his efforts on fixing the things currently going on in his life.

Life is hard for everyone and we all have our seasons when things are just tougher. He needs his long-standing friends and family to support him. You need to feel free to move-on based on the current circumstances.

I do worry (being a man) that men can string women along as second choices. I see a lot of this in society and I think it is just awful.

I would wish him well and ask him to get in contact if he is in a place where he wants to possibly pursue a relationship and that you are not interested in another friendship at this time. This will make him take some action. Either way you will have your answers.

Take care of yourself!