That feeling you get when visitors overstay their welcome…

[SoRad]

Do you ever get that with your DH?

Not that I want to spit up or him to move out or anything like that. But I think I’ve found the school holidays a bit stifling as we’ve both been off and we’ve just got back from a 7 day camping trip We’re it rained every day! And we’ve been confined as a family of 4.

I’m now sitting on the bed trying to chill out with my book and he keeps coming in to talk to me, or sit with me…. I just want him to fuck off!

My 9yr old is happily watching telly. My 13yr old is happily playing his ps4…. Why can’t my dh entertain himself and stop being so fucking needy?!

Sorry, this is more of a ranty post.

Love threads like these, helps me feel better about being single 😂😂

I would have told him to fuck off by now but I’m rude when I get no headspace 😂

It’s headspace that I need! I’m a classic introvert Ava m just want some time on my own with no judgement.

He has so much energy!… He’s already judged me this morning by asking me if I’m having a slob day!

Thankfully he’s currently outside peeing in the garden… But he had to walk around the house first loudly commentating to himself

*pottering! Not peeing!

you're a better woman than I am because if someone, anyone, kept pestering me so much and got snarky asking about my "slob day" I would tell them to fuck off not just think about it 🤣

I have to say, the imagine of someone getting so bored that they went to pee i the garden as form of entertainment really made me laugh

🤣

I haven’t told him to fuck off as it would hurt his needy feelings.

Peeing in the garden proper made me laugh 😂😂

Sounds like you've got an extra kid on your hands. His behaviour sounds like my 9 year old daughter 🙈

His behaviour is very similar to my 9yr old daughter’s too… she tried it on this morning and I fibbed her off with doing something later. Her feelings don’t get hurt as much as dh’s!

It’s actually starting to become a bit of a problem. His neediness…. He was injured in December in an accident that wasn’t his fault and hasn’t been able to work since. So he’s at home making the best of the situation, but he has never had any friends or keen on making any, or joining clubs. People annoy him. Which is fine, I get that too. We’ve always been happy just the two of us as we both have similar hobbies.

But he has definitely become needier as he now spends a large proportion of his day (out of school holidays) on his own.

Oh god, I’d have buried him in garden he’s ‘peeing’ in. Neediness is so off putting.

Peeing in the garden! That has made me smile!!

Can you tell him (and the children too, if necessary) that you've set yourself a reading goal and need to finish x pages/chapters/the book by lunchtime, and you'd appreciate a little peace and quiet so you can concentrate? If he'd get snitty if you said it in response to his interrupting you, make a preemptive announcement to everyone - "I'll be in the bedroom if there's an emergency". Then he can save up whatever he has to say/needs from you knowing that you'll pay him some attention later on. He may laugh or make fun of you, but just be firm and serious; there's no reason you shouldn't be able to carve out time for yourself and have household members respect that.

As an introvert married to an extrovert I can absolutely relate to this! Especially as my job involves lots of meetings, listening/ talking and his job is more solitary. So he comes home full of chat and I come home like a conversationally dried out husk 😆

We’ve been together 20 years so we just about have the balance right now. I know I have to give him time and attention and ensure he feels valued. He knows that I need more time out. And if I ever go to the bedroom at a non-sleepy time
of day no one comes near as they’ve learned that I’m a grumpy dragon if interrupted (my kids are older though).

my DH was in an accident a couple of years ago that meant he was stuck at home for a few months. It was really bad for his (usually robust) mental health. I found it tough to have my space so completely invaded but he really needed me and we muddled through. I did draft in his parents, siblings and closest friend for discreet support. Are there other people you could involve?

Could you have a chat when you’re feeling better disposed towards him and explain that you love him but you have a social/ life battery that needs to be recharged- that you’ve always been this way but it drains faster now with kids, life admin etc so he needs to respect your time out.

You are not on your own feeling like this though x

Yes @SmellsLikeTeenSpirits I’m a teacher and I’m totally peoples out by the time I get home. But DH hasn’t spoken to anyone but the dog all day!

I’m finding this summer particularly hard as his work involves working away 3 weeks at a time, so normally during the summer I have 3 weeks with him. 6 weeks… plus all the months since he’s not been in work seem like such a long time

I started laughing so much I almost woke my 16 month DD 😂

I thought he was peeing in the garden because the OP was so tired of him following her around she’d locked him out of the house!

OP, I sympathise. He needs to forge relationships with other people, though. He’s been too lazy to make and keep friends, because he got all the interaction he needed from you. Now you aren’t able to cope with his increased level of need, you’re (both) reaping the negative consequences of not having other people in your lives. Your marriage is going to be under severe strain if he keeps up his ‘other people are annoying’ schtik.

I don't get this purely because if I've had enough time with other people I'll just say to DH "sorry can you leave me alone please I need a bit of one time" and that's the end of it. I would never entertain or indulge their neediness if I didn't want to.

But i feel bad if i don’t give him any attention after I’ve finished work.

He does need to make some friends. He has always struggled due to working away, so finding the lack of consistency hard for joining clubs. But he did make a climbing friend and they’d go to the wall regularly, but since he’s injured he can no longer do that and spent See the point in meeting up just for chat. He hates small talk and going to the pub. He’d rather be doing something active

Not to be all “the poor menz” but with this accident he is probably struggling quite a bit. So he is going to need support a bit more. Will he be fit to work soon?
Are there other sports/ clubs he could have a go at even with his injury?
NB of course you are allowed to ignore him a bit as well - especially after camping in the rain, that would drive anyone to madness…..

I just hoped he was peeing on the compost heap in the garden rather than on the lawn.

I do really feel for him. He’s currently waiting on compensation and he’s struggling as he is the main earner and we’re struggling a bit financially with no future certainty. It’s really hard on him. Stressful. It’s hard on me too. I work full time as a teacher and can’t really up my income.

🤣… just marking his territory after the dog!

He's a grown arsed man, not a fucking Golden Retriever, SoRad.

Yeah, you’re right. He can be so fucking needy.

We’ve had an argument this afternoon over my lack of affection towards him. yes I do lack giving affection, I do try but it doesn’t come natural to me. But when I’m called out on it I want to do it less!

I called him out on, saying he doesn’t initiate affection and he says it’s because I’ll flinch or complain about him trying to lead it somewhere more. I only flinch because I’m not expecting it. I’m a jumpy person. But he takes it personally and then backs off all annoyed.

I don’t mind it leading to more, but his timing often seems inappropriate, such as when I’m cooking dinner, or when the kids are watching telly. He seems to be able to switch it on whenever