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Original poster

Am I prudish to not like personal sex jokes in front of in-laws?

31 replies

Wouldyou83 · 21/08/2023 09:31

My partner doesn’t do it much but his brother is always making jokes about what he is going to do to his girlfriend later on in front of his parents. They find it funny and will often make remarks themselves.

Eg remarks like “he might be in for a good time later” bj related remarks, telling their son to make sure he takes his socks off… there are many more I can’t quite remember.

They will try and do it to me but I don’t really laugh, I just don’t find jokes about me and their sons sex life funny, I’m 40 years old!

Is this normal behaviour, I’ve not experienced it before in relationships. They are obviously open minded but I can tell the girlfriend feels awkward.

OP posts:
beautfifulpeoe · 21/08/2023 09:36

I hate this too. I don't like them jokes in general, for example there is a lady at work who always makes jokes like this and I just find it embarrassing

Original poster
Wouldyou83 · 21/08/2023 10:00

The other day I discovered his parents used to by my partner naked women calendars, the tacky ones with the massive boobs. Is this normal?

OP posts:
IsThePopeCatholic · 21/08/2023 10:16

Ugh. That’s just tasteless and gross. I wouldn’t put up with it.

HeartInMyHand · 21/08/2023 10:22

They sound very boring.
I would hate tho spend time with them.
Do they not have much going on / personality?
I found it’s always the very dull people who are obsessed with sex / talking about it…

YANBU.
Or prude.
They are gross.

Toooldtoworry · 21/08/2023 10:27

@Wouldyou83 you could be me. My BIL is like this. In fact the first time I met him was at Boxing Day dinner. My DH was working and I was there with his parents. He proceeded to go on about what our sex life was like and I had to shut him down hard in the end.

His parents will do a soft joke about it but he always goes too far. BIL now rarely speaks to me, but he likes his women silent and obedient and I am neither. Nor will I put up with his shit.

In your dynamic I'm not sure if it's best to call him out on his behaviour or keep schtum. His gf could be very embarrassed either way.

GrumpyPanda · 21/08/2023 10:29

Wouldyou83 · 21/08/2023 10:00

The other day I discovered his parents used to by my partner naked women calendars, the tacky ones with the massive boobs. Is this normal?

Eeeeeeew. Talk about a drip-feed, how disgusting. No, this is not normal by any stretch of the imagination.

As to BILs sexual innuendo - okayish if his partner was on the same page. Since she's clearly uncomfortable that makes it dickish behaviour. And also, speaks volumes he goes on about BJs, hence himself getting serviced. Sexist pig.

EarthSight · 21/08/2023 10:51

A bit fucking weird to be doing that on a regular basis.

Original poster
Wouldyou83 · 21/08/2023 11:00

It’s every time his brother is around. I can’t look at his girlfriend anymore. I’m not really that kind of women and I find it offensive not funny. It even continues on the family chat and the parents go along and add to it and they all laughing.

The dad in the past has made a joke that I trapped his son with sex. It wasn’t funny at all.

OP posts:
Olika · 21/08/2023 11:29

I find this weird. If he said anything to me I would just stare at him with a blank expression and then turn my attention to something/someone else.

user1497787065 · 21/08/2023 11:35

I worked with someone who bought her DD nipple tassels and chocolate willies for her Christmas stocking. I found that offensive.

Dery · 21/08/2023 11:41

You’re not prudish to dislike this. It’s possible to be relaxed about sex without wanting to listen to all kinds of crude comments about something which is very personal. I think this is verging on abuse of the GF. Who wants their BF’s parents being invited to imagine them engaged in sexual activity? It’s trampling her boundaries. In her shoes, I think i would be looking to walk. I feel a bit sick that the parents were buying their sons topless calendars. What’s that about? This isn’t normal.

hdbs17 · 21/08/2023 11:50

It's really weird. My ILs are like this (thankfully we now have nothing to do with them - long story), but they made a comment once about how loud their own daughter is in the bedroom and it was so uncomfortable to hear. Quite disgusting actually.

Not prudish at all to think those sorts of jokes or remarks shouldn't be made around family.

Original poster
Wouldyou83 · 21/08/2023 11:54

@Dery I was disturbed, it even had his name printed on each page on naked parts. Seriously as if it could get worse. I said OMG when I saw it did your parents really buy you that, that’s weird.

It’s good to be open but I think there is a line. I really don’t want jokes about our sex Life being said in their presence. I’ve told him and he doesn’t do it but the brother doesn’t stop.

OP posts:
BlindBlondeDog · 21/08/2023 12:10

I would find it icky but there are families who are like this. I would be more concerned what my partner's humour and boundaries were like, he can't control his brother and children sometimes grow up to be the opposite of their parents so it's not an indicator he will definitely be like this.

BlindBlondeDog · 21/08/2023 12:11

Spend less time with his family...

Restinggoddess · 21/08/2023 12:21

Are they parents of boys - no daughters?
I think this sounds like a misogynistic family where the women associated with their sons are there to be sex objects
They sound ‘common’ with no filter and no awareness of social niceties

I would be telling DH to make a comment next time his brother talks in such a way.

There is being relaxed about sex and there is an attitude that undermines the feelings of the women in the family ( MIL may go along because it’s ‘normal’ to her)

Are there any grandchildren?
I wouldn’t want my daughters to hear their grandparents push an agenda that women are only there for men’s pleasure.

Zanatdy · 21/08/2023 12:24

That’s not normal

VictoriaVenkman · 21/08/2023 12:31

Some families are like this though. I assume your DH is not like his brother?

Andthereyougo · 21/08/2023 12:33

Gross. As if the women are commodities to service their sons, and being interested is just 🤮on the part of the parents. Either your DH shuts his brother down or you seriously limit contact with them. I would like my d. Having contact with grandparents like this.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 21/08/2023 12:36

Wouldyou83 · 21/08/2023 09:31

My partner doesn’t do it much but his brother is always making jokes about what he is going to do to his girlfriend later on in front of his parents. They find it funny and will often make remarks themselves.

Eg remarks like “he might be in for a good time later” bj related remarks, telling their son to make sure he takes his socks off… there are many more I can’t quite remember.

They will try and do it to me but I don’t really laugh, I just don’t find jokes about me and their sons sex life funny, I’m 40 years old!

Is this normal behaviour, I’ve not experienced it before in relationships. They are obviously open minded but I can tell the girlfriend feels awkward.

It's really low-class.

Fofftwenty21 · 21/08/2023 12:48

No I wouldn't like it and can't imagine my partner doing anything like this.

I think it shows a lack of boundaries which would be an issue for me in any relationship and may lead to problems of over involvement further down the line.

Original poster
Wouldyou83 · 21/08/2023 13:17

They only have sons and granddaughters. I wasn’t sure if this was just a boy/son thing. I don’t think the mum likes me much, she seems too much like them.

OP posts:
Dery · 21/08/2023 13:37

Either the mother has always been like this or she has learnt to normalise this gross behaviour as her way of surviving. It’s really creepy. They have taught the boys to objectify women. At least it sounds like your partner hasn’t followed that message. Does he see how creepy this is? Could he have a word with his brother and his parents? I do think this is abusive towards the GF.

Dery · 21/08/2023 13:38

I don’t think this is a boy/son thing. It’s really shocking.

LifeExperience · 21/08/2023 15:10

That is disgusting, inappropriate behavior, and I would not tolerate it. Just absolutely gross.