In November 2022 - I had tethered from partners phone as our Wi-Fi was changing providers - He was aware I be using the phone.
He had attempted to delete call history/emails/messages etc but there were several messages in his deleted which seems he was unaware that message were going to recently deleted.
There was a few message which he’s instigated which I thought were a dating/hook up site but I’ve later establish us an escort site.
From the way he was messaging it was clear he hadn’t used them before and one message had said he didn’t have any ratings and they didn’t meet with no ratings (but as not used online dating etc I assumed at first it like a safety thing for meeting online dates) but there was one message and I’m not sure if this was from a hookup site or paid dirty chat etc - In this message it said about wearing a red thong/about him saying he couldn’t wait to fuck her and how his dick is small but he knows what to do with it etc with the individual responding saying that they would do it themselves and he replied don’t you dare etc. I don’t think they’ve met from how the messages read and he denies ever meeting anybody and no further happened than these messages.
I was able to locate accounts he had created The account show that his has been ongoing for approx 19 months (which he denies and says this account isn’t him and says this only happened over a few weeks/month) where he says he looking for NSA and states he in a relationship etc - These accounts have two open photos of him which were recent.
He said that it had only been going on a few weeks/month (which the length of joined and last seen is 19 months - I can’t say he didn’t register and changed his mind or if he was continually on this account for 19 months.)
We talked and he discussed what happened and why it happened and he said he regretted what he had done and how he risked everything but it was nothing more than for attention and in this time it was only messages nothing else. He said he open to me check his phone if and when I want, we all have location on our phones which we always have (but I don’t sit and spy on him so he could go and I wouldn’t know)
He said it started in October which coincided with him working late/weekends but I would check location and he was at work. Two weekends he had taken the children in with him but there was a weekend that he got up and went into work and didn’t ask m/offer if kids wanted to go in with him I just thought he needed a break from them and tired from extra hours. There were three large cash withdrawals which isn’t usual but he had done two jobs so if he wasn’t give the money for materials upfront he could have withdrawn the cash but it made me think as it was £100/£150 that he was drawing money to pay an escort. I put his email into escort site and his email address was registered and when confronted he denied he had an account.
As well as being in the escort site he had account with AM and CDate and I know that these were only registered a few weeks before the messages I had seen and it likely he been contacted by escort on there which is how he come to register on the escort site but he still shouldn’t have been on these sites when in a commited relationship.
There we’re two days which he had Costa coffee which appears to be more than for one and he prefers Starbucks so strange he choose Costa but could be more overthinking things here.
There was one morning where he woke up and was very off with the children not being ready and left without them and they had to walk which was very unusual behaviour but I had noticed that he was going to wait in the truck in the mornings so assume to check messages.
He still remains that nothing further than messages happened. I went for STD test to be safe as we have unprotected sex and everything was clear.
The late nights/weekends working went back to normal, he wasn’t waiting int the truck for them in the morning etc i would randomly look on the phone to see which sites or how many message notifications etc and there were some bumps
Between November and March it was bumpy as I would come upstairs in the morning and he be in been on the phone and I ask what he doing and he said he had notification for Amazon Music and it was trying to cancel it and I’m thinking he messaging someone. The on Boxing Day we had plans to go away for few nights and again he in bed on the phone after waking and his whole attitude changed towards me and when we were in the car he got out and said to go without him. I’m not sure if it’s because that Christmas I didn’t get him the usual gifts I would etc and he had given me £1000 to buy new clothes so was he pissed off but I thought the messaging still happening and he wanted to be with them not his family but I have no evidence.
Then it’s still rocky but I’m trying so hard to show more interest and put what happened in the past as I choose to stay for us/kids etc.
Then I find a condom wrap in our rubbish the weekend we were due to do away and I feel physically sick and he swears blind it’s not him and why would he be so stupid to put it in our rubbish. A condom was later found flushed down our bathroom sink as it had blocked the sink - He had found this but it could possibly be our 13 year old messing around from what been given from school.
From May everything’s been good and I still have ups and down but we’ve just worked together better and he’s made effort to attend ASD course (to support our youngest) we had a week off in May/June together, we went away end of July as a family and everything’s been feeling good.
He had sent me a wonderful message and it made me think everything will be OK and it was something he regrets and not excusing but I didn’t he actions but I didn’t show any interest because everything was on top of me between work and home.
Then on Thursday I just felt he wasn’t himself and he didn’t seem happy and I instantly think if he not happy he will do bad so I had asked on Friday but I’ve gone down the route if it’s bad than bad happen etc which he said he understands I’m am worried but he promised he was happy and it was in my head etc.
We were In bed last night and he went into what’s app and he had this message and person wasn’t in his contacts - It was from a women named Emma - Looked like a man and woman in profile picture and he showed me the message and it said Hi Dennis (not his name and I don’t think you pick that as a fake name for a 39 year old l) how are the business plans coming along? So straight away I’m thinking the worst - This is code and then because it a couple I think he arranging 3 some - my mind spirals out of control.
I think he’s not been completely honest with able about the first occasion but he’s adamant he’s told me everything - Even in very heated discussions where it’s at the end of our relationships he not said it But when I feel like he holding something back that how do I put it behind us and move forward.