General question - are some people unreasonable by nature? Question asked in relation to my husband.

[Batima]

A few weeks ago I posted about how my husband has been unreasonable about finance (he earns 4x more than me but I am contributing a disproportionate amount to bills, and all my savings went into the deposit).

It's not just in the area of finance that he's been unreasonable.

I am trying to understand my husband's behaviour and I have tried to reason with him on a range of issues, but I often don't get far - though he does sometimes make small concessions - and it feels very exhausting.

The question I've been asking myself recently is: are some people just unreasonable by nature?

I'd be interested to hear others' views on this, and whether you know anyone who fits this description. Is there any way to make them reasonable?

For context, just a few (of many!) examples of other things my husband has done which - I think - are unreasonable:

• He has objected to me having the odd friend to stay the night in our spare room.
• He is easily irritated by minor things often - and expresses it!
• He won't meet up with a couple of my friends because he thinks they're show-offs (I really don't think they are!).
• He made such a fuss about coming with me to cousin's wedding - only one of the year - and I really wanted him there with me. It was stressful.

'.

Some people can dig in and get their way better than others. Some (like me) cave in because the grief/argument isn’t worth it or palatable to them. The problem is when it’s too skewed one way or the other, there has to be some semblance of balance.

I do think more men than women have an expectation of getting their own way more. Like a right that they have.

How long are you married, op? Does he do stuff that you don’t like but just let go?

Are some people just total dicks?

Yes. Yes they are. And it sounds like you live with one.

Some of what you've described is also very controlling.

It's not possible to judge from one post but it's certainly ringing coercive control bells...

If you added up all of these things how often do they happen?

Once or twice a year or once or twice a week?

Maybe. But much more common is the phenomenon where men think their thoughts and feelings are more important than women’s thoughts and feelings because (a) they earn more money, and (b) they believe women are fundamentally inferior. These men don’t respect their partners. I’d try to escape from a relationship with one of these.

This is a great answer.

Men like this think of women like an appliance that provides service to them.
They like women for sex and the services she provides.

Appliances don't have any wants or needs.

I would be explaining to him that unless he was a lot fairer with finances I would be divorcing him and taking him for half of the marital assets and his pensions.
He has no reason to be fair at the moment, you are passive and go along with what he decides.
The first thing you should be requesting is the amount you had in savings before you handed them over as a deposit.