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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner, breakups and kids

11 replies

Stevemad · 21/08/2023 00:17

My partner and I have been together for a year, and decided to move in together. She has a daughter and I have a son and daughter. They’re all around the same age. So she has been going crazy at me about my kids since the day we moved in, my eldest is a gamer boy, he’s 17 we’ve moved away from his friends so he spends his time gaming online with them, my daughter dances most nights so is regularly out. They’re good kids, but can be a pain, they do leave empty packets in the cupboard which is annoying but they are getting better. Last night it kicked off royally because there was an empty wrapper in the cupboard, I told the kids to stop and let us know when they finish something. The funny thing is she finished the last can of coke and left the empty pack in the cupboard, and her daughter leaves half empty cans of drink everywhere. She didn’t take too kindly to this. Her daughter is a great kid and I treat her like my own, partner refuses to do the same.she has now decided she wants her and her daughter and me and my kids to have separate fridges and cupboards on the kitchen. I’ve told her that pathetic and they we no longer have 1 or 2 kids, WE now have 3 kids. But she isn’t having it. Now she wants us to stay in the home but not be a couple. I don’t want this. I love her desperately and can’t live with some one who doesn’t want to be with me. Am I wrong in thinking this?
her fiends are a pain, no matter what happens, they will always agree with her even if they know she is wrong, and this reinforces her feelings and means she can’t see sense. I’d do anything for her, I want to marry the girl, but how can I Be with someone and marry that person who is so horrible to me and about my kids. I need someone to kick me up the ass and tell me leaving her is the right thing to do, I’m sick of being miserable

OP posts:
Peajee · 21/08/2023 00:38

Blending families is really hard and it sounds like what you're arguing over is actually quite minimal if it's about empty packets. A year in is pretty soon to be loving together when kids are involved, maybe you would be better to continue dating living separately for a while? If your kids are in their late teens then it won't be long before they'll be moving out and then you could move in without the pressure that comes from blending.

BethDuttonsTwin · 21/08/2023 00:46

She sounds absolutely awful and you shouldn’t force your children to share their home with someone who dislikes and resents them!

EVliving · 21/08/2023 00:59

Sorry but I would not marry her she would be binned with the empty packets and cans. She sounds a nightmare. Good luck your life is going to only get harder.

Epidote · 21/08/2023 01:10

Just leave her, Frist two fridges, second two shoppings?, third living in the same house but not a couple. What else are you going to tolerate? Get your kids and move. Your kids will pleased and you will be in peace.

lunar1 · 21/08/2023 01:29

Leave her, you don't maybe a woman who hates your kids, no matter what the details.

Imogensmumma · 21/08/2023 01:31

Move you and the kids out asap! Then once your kids have a safe space you can decide if you still want to be in this “relationship “ . Blended families rarely work so admit it was a trial that didn’t work and move out

RantyAnty · 21/08/2023 01:43

She's probably tired of cleaning up after 5 people.

TossacointoHenryCavill · 21/08/2023 01:47

It’s probably not really just about the empty packets. Give her a day and have a conversation about things she is finding hard about the living situation. It’s probably not about being ´right’ but about preferences for systems and housekeeping and about feeling respected/appreciated vs disrespected/taken for granted.

TossacointoHenryCavill · 21/08/2023 01:49

There’s an essay floating around online somewhere about a man who’s wife divorced him for sometimes leaving dishes on the kitchen counter. It took him a year to figure out what really happened to his relationship.

Zanatdy · 21/08/2023 04:53

It’s a big thing moving teenage kids and blending families is very difficult. She needs to cut them some slack. Let’s face it teens are lazy. I hated the empty packet thing and they did stop doing it. Not a chance I’d be buying separate fridges etc, what kind of message does that send out to your kids. Why would you want to marry this woman? End it and move back

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 21/08/2023 04:58

I would just live separately until the kids finish high school. Why have all the drama in life. When my kids leave empty boxes in the cupboard I just pretend I don’t see it. Then laugh when the complain they have run out. I wait until the box is in the bin before buying more.

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