Can I find love as a single mum?

[Lilaclala]

A month ago I was dumped by my partner of 2 years after he decided he didn't want to commit to my children long term (despite saying he was going to for 2 years). I am completely heartbroken and struggling to have any hope for the future re. Relationships. My children's dad left me before him for a younger woman. All I want is to meet someone who I really like who can see a future with me. I am 38 and feel like it's only going to get harder. Are single dads my only option? Any success stories? My children are 8 and 3

I can’t see that she is dismissing anyone so not sure why you keep saying it.

My response was clearly to the person telling her not to get involved with single dads. Maybe childless men feel the same about the op that's why her last relationship ended after all....

I'm a SP and there are loads of men out there without dc who don't mind other people's dc. Step dads don't have the same raw deal that step mums have. Mums don't tend to disney parent on the whole either so it's not hypocritical in the slightest to not want a man with dc.

Take some time out OP and build a social life to meet your social needs. It's hard as a parent as you often can feel that you shouldn't go out/spend money on yourself etc. Find a weekly hobbie and see if there's a social aspect to it or find a hobby you love and a seperate social life. Then when you're life is amazing you will hopefully meet someone organically.

You're deffo in the wrong place for dating if you're thinking who will want me rather than who do I want, who fits in with what I want from life. I don't mean that in a horrible/patronising way in the slightest btw OP!

I think you have to start by not wanting anyone. By finding yourself again and genuinely being happy with your own company. Then you can find someone who enriches your life. Don't rush into anything, especially with young children.

As a single mother I think you meant your preference is someone with no kids. If so, OP is perfectly entitled to her preference just because she has kids herself. Yes it's hypocritical however OP is still entitled to choose what she wants. I must confess I've thought similar too. I wouldn't take someone om with 3/4 kids, well I doubt I would.

Personally I find men at 40 with no children a little concerning and this is just my own observation and realistically a lot of people with have a child by 40 OP. Dating online isn't all bad but it's certainly an experience alright!

I am 33 and had my youngest child just turned 17, now have 2 children. I have never had a problem with dating/relationships. Not a single man that has come into my life has had a problem with me having children.

I think the only thing I've had to really think about now is if I'm with someone who has no children then will they want them in the future. I've been with my current partner 5 years and couldnt be happier. Don't think there's no hope, give yourself time and put yourself out there when you are ready. There is still plenty of time for you 🙂

I’ve read your other posts. You seem to ricochet between obsessing about your ex and desperately wanting someone new. You really need to stop, focus on yourself and figure out why you’re so desperate for male validation.

Relationships are delightful, but having a man in your life isn’t the be all and end all you seem to think it is. Take a breath and just be single for a while.

Yes you can but you don't have to. Don't rush and enjoy your children. I was single mum 18 years ago and I'm getting married in a couple of months.

I'm a single mum, and I refuse to date single dads of young kids if they aren't the primary carer (so generally that's all of them 😂).

My logic is this. If he's a single dad of young kids that don't primarily live with him, either
a) he left his wife/partner when the kids were small and things were hardest. I'd put money on the fact it usually means he had an affair, as so few men leave their long term partners with young kids unless there is another woman who has turned his head. Ergo, he's a dick.
Or
b) His wife/partner left him. When the kids were small, knowing how difficult it would be to be a single mum, knowing the social stigma and financial difficulties she would face, and she chose that anyway. Ergo, even more of a dick.

Yes I'm sure there are a few situations that don't fall into these categories but generally much experience tells me most men fall into them. So yup, I avoid single dads.

I don't look for a life partner in dating. I focus on me and my kids, and use my dating life for fun and sex, and my kids don't ever meet the men I date. They do blended family at their dads house and I don't believe it's in their best interests, I won't do it to them in my house too.

For heaven’s sake- she ‘chose wrong’? Can you explain please? Do you genuinely think men introduce themselves, and say “ oh hey, I’ll say I’m committed to you and your kids, but I’m really not”.

Well a lot of women do rush in not thinking of the kids? Its been one month and she's already wondering about the next man.

Let's be honest the majority of guys without children don't want to be getting tied down with someone else's, they usually end up having to make all the sacrifices and compromises when it comes to the other person's kids, they don't want restrictions on what they can and can't do it life because of someone else's kids, I could go on and on about the negatives, but it's completely different lifestyles at the end of the day, single guys lifestyle to a family lifestyle is a big ask, it very rarely works out long term unfortunately.

Having childrrn adds complexity to the relationship.

I think you'll find someone but definitely work on your selfesteem first. Maybe consider someone else that has their own children. They maybe have more in common and better understanding