Going through some really tough times and looking for advice.
It’s a long and a bit haphazard so please bear with me.
Married with 2kids for 8years, moved from another country here for my husband and have no friends or family here, literally none. Kids are 4 and 2. Having a really tough time in my married life and financially as well. Because of a special needs kid I chose to stay home (junior doctor otherwise)until some of their healthcare is sorted so totally dependent on husband who earns big bucks but is very bad with money so ends up in debt/overdraft etc. He had been staying out mostly clubbing and indulged himself in Alcohol last year while telling me that he has to go to an office n stay there out of town. When my parents were visiting from abroad, he came home really drunk. I also found a few drug pouches in his bag which he said was amphetamine and he bought it from someone at work (says they offered him some) which is shocking for me. I then found out from his fone that he had used uber for something late night when I was once away for a night. Uber came at like 1am and again uber picked something/someone up from ours at 4am while my kids were asleep upstairs. He’s unable to recall who ir what it was!! Then again found a few uber receipts when I went away again later that year for a night. Also when out clubbing, took uber to random addresses but says it wasn’t him and someone in the club requested to book an uber for them. Promises he never cheated on me but Was generally very unapologetic and challenging about his behaviour .
Even though has made some silly scenes in the past with alcohol abuse but this time he is like someone who is playing mind games and enjoying it. I do most of the stuff for kids with some help from him but he’s the one who stays exhausted all the time. He has lied several times about being at work but was clubbing and stuff. literate is hone for like 3hours to charge his electric cars many evenings and would never organise putting it on charge on high street which is 8mins away. Then one day in his old fone I found Grinder and another similar app which he had been on 3,4 months while all if the above was going on . I confronted him about it and initially he said he didn’t use that and then once drunk he said he was just exploring his sexuality but didn’t speak to anyone there etc!! Fast forward to now, have found him lying some nmore. We have tried to make the relationship work for the sake of kids but something wrong comes up always and we get into the same arguments with him mostly leaving home n staying out at his friends/clubbing/ at his parents. I also found another drug pouch during all this feud and he aays thats old and is ketamine. I didn’t throw that away ad thinking might need it as an evidence at some point now depending how things are evolving.
He refuses to have an adult conversation about it all and always runs away when I try to talk to him about anything .
He filmed me once when I was aggressive towards him and said to my parents on video call that I have pulled his jumper and broke his jumpers button (yes, I pulled him as he was tryingto run away again instead of having a proper discussion). He seems a really charming person to everyone and nobody would ever believe he has been doing it all.
Yes, I have been angry now because how much can one take in esp with no support?
I have decided I want to go for divorce but don’t want to live in UK anymore as need my parents n friends for support so he made an issue out of it and says he won’t let me do this. I said we can move somewhere in between where my parents can come n live with me and if he wants he can find a job there too (he previously wanted to work there ) but he says no! I said I have always been the main parent and his record shows he’s not suitable to look after kids. He says he won’t let me have the kids and I want divorce so ok then we’ll go to court and he said I’ll come to know that court won’t let me have kids !! I have no idea what to do, trying to get back to work but literally have no money to fund this divorce, really really don’t want to live here as there have been weeks where I had no adult conversation. My brain says to just leave, get financially stable which might take at least 6months and then claim kids custody. He says I’m just exaggerating the situation and it feels like gaslighting but I have started to question myself. My heart is broken, I can feel its just shattered into pieces. How can I leave kids with him!? What next steps do I take when I dont even have British passport yet (application in process)? I don’t have anywhere to go to sort the stuff out. This is painful and I feel suicidal sometimes but find strength for my kids😣. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you.