Boyfriend is not making an effort (long distance and work hours)?

[Sailinguptosea123]

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We are both 24. He has recently moved nearly 2 hours away for work and we have been long distance for months. I am always the one going to see him and his work hours mean I see him for a couple of hours at the weekend. His main priority is his career and I am second to that as work is ‘busy’. I have a busy job too but he will barely message me throughout the day or come to see me. We do have nice quality time together when we spend time together.

We have argued recently and I listed all of the ways I show him love by travelling to see him, supporting him etc. and how he doesn’t return the favour and I don’t feel loved. Whenever I raise this he says I am trying to ‘point score’ and won’t see the disparity of effort in the relationship.

Please can someone advise me on the best response or what to do? It is a consistent issue and I am struggling with what to do.

If you were my daughter, or even a young friend ...
I think it is time to say goodbye.

Sorry .I know that maybe not what you want to hear...but
You are 24!
You should be out having fun , not doing all the slog for a couple of hours when he has the time for you.

You got together at 18?

You will always have fond memories of each other...but it is just not working any more .

Take care x

Appologies...I made assumptions in my post .
I would say the same to my son as well.

I think him moving away was really the writing on the wall. I agree with the previous poster, that the relationship has run its course.

Agree with both the pps.

If you actually want our advice, mine would be to say "This has been good while it lasted and I wish you well, but I'm young and don't want to live my life like this at the moment. It's been fun, and hope you have a great life. Goodbye"

I would stop travelling to see him, tell him it's his turn, if he really doesn't make the effort then, arrange a weekend with your friends and move on with your life, it will never work being one sided.

If your relationship was that solid you'd have moved with him, no?

Agree with PP. You got together at 18. Most people don’t marry their first love and there are good reasons for that. You’re still young. Your 20s are a great decade for focusing on career and finding yourself. Let him have the freedom he wants and spend some time footloose and fancy-free yourself.

Thankyou everyone. I do need to think if it can continue.

@HarrietJet I have had a permanent job in the hometown we are both from for years. He got a one off temporary contract in a different area but he has always maintained he will come back to the hometown when this job is done hence why I stayed.

If you asked him to come to you what would he say?

What kind of job does he have that only gives him two free hours to see you? If he’s working long hours at the weekend, surely that means he has time free in the week to come over and see you after your work? You need to step back and stop going to visit him, to see if he steps up. If not, the relationship seems to have run its course.

I was in a long distance relationship with my partner for 4 years as we lived 2 hours apart. We made it work by meeting up for dinner in the middle once a week - 1 hour away from each of our homes. (Plus every other week as childcare arrangements permitted.) We now live together. It worked because we both wanted it to - it can’t be one-sided.

2 hours away is not 5. That's a daily commute for many people. Each way.

The need to have him message you through the day feels needy and unnecessary. If I get some downtime at work my first thought is to get a coffee, clear down my inbox or just chill for 5. It's not to exchange inanities with my spouse. We chat if there's something to say.

2 or so hours in the weekend and it all going one way is a) bone idle in terms of making an effort to see you and b) sending you a message that he doesn't want to. He's letting this relationship die and doesn't have the balls to sit down with you and tell you he wants to see other people / do other things. Moving away was the first step.

I'm sorry, it is not nice treatment to be on the receiving end of. Make plans to do something else for the bank holiday weekend. See other friends and tell him you are busy.
If you have made your whole life revolve around him and lost touch with other friends then take active steps now to rebuild a social life that works for you.

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams you are completely right, if he wanted to make the effort he would. It is a tough thing to accept and confusing behaviour when we have such a long history. Thankyou for the words of advice.