Advice

[Coley32]

Just after some advice really .
So I have a child and I work x2 days a week we pay grandparent to watch her for those 2 days. We both pay half . I pay for half bills , all food shopping all pack lunches toiletries etc etc and EVERYTHING for our child formula nappies wipes creams clothing toys just everything.
My bf kindly said 3 months ago he’ll take over paying the rent until I’m working full time again . He doesn’t realise how much food shopping and how much baby food is and toys etc etc .
Anyway heated pissed argument he threw it back at me saying how he is paying my bills blah blah I’ve been chewing on it since Thursday now I was sober he wasn’t and I feel that was a bit of a low blow. I’ve always paid my way and now to have that thrown in my face .
He doesn’t contribute food shopping or his child that comes up to far more than half the rent and I’ve done that and never thrown that in his face you know even when I was paying half rent etc.
What would you do take back half the rent and tell him to put his hand in his pocket for Food shopping and what baby needs?
Or just take the drunken comment on the chin?

He's not paying your bills though is he. Depending on your rent, he may be paying less than half.

Why don't you tot up the grocery shopping and clothes etc for a month and work out if you can make some economies (e.g. own brand not premium) and then calculate how much each of you can contribute.

I’m more annoyed at the fact he has thrown it back in my face about paying my half when he is able to work full time I’m not

I'd put it down to the beer talking this once, but keep an eye open for anything that you feel is a bit 'off'.

I've been in an abusive relationship, and it was fine other than a few things seemed 'off' - without me knowing that the pan was warming up rapidly.
Your relationship might not be abusive, but problems often start to arise after the woman has had a baby.

Yes totally agree , once you have a baby that’s it madness isn’t it.

just a comment like that when I’ve always supported myself just feel like telling him to shove it I’ll do it myself and stop making his pack lunches for work and putting food on the table lol

I’ve told him every month and nothing comes of it doesn’t ever say oh I’ll pay for the food shopping . I mean I do his pack lunches 5 days a week
dinner on the table every night where does he think it comes from

He is paying so much less.

the thing is 3 years we have lived together he’s never paid for any shopping and since baby arrived he has brought x2 formulas nappies and wipes in 8 months and I’ve always paid my way until 3 months ago as I run out of money In my savings and I can only work 2 days a week so he offered to take the rent over .

He's a prince, isn't he?

I would suggest you write down a list of all your outgoings and give it to him.

Tried that and all I got was …. Nothing

You really need to ask yourself why you're tolerating this selfish loser.
Raise the bar.

i think after his comment Thursday “ find some over mug to pay your rent “ I feel like that’s kind of made me think f* you

This relationship is already over.

You need a proper budget! Which needs to include absolutely everything, including pension contributions, irregular expenses such as insurance and allocations for the unforeseen. I believe Moneysavingexpert has a statement of affairs template that will help you compile a detailed budget.

Then work out each partner's contribution according to salary. So you add up both your salaries - thats 100%, but if your earnings are only, say, 30%, you pay 30% of budgeted expenditure. If the residual spending money ends up being unequal, adjust the contributions.

Basically everything should be equalized as right now you are at a huge disadvantage.

OK. That gives a different picture.
Basically you are now Mum, and he is the child. I bet you do all the housework and child-rearing.

He says stuff when he’s had a drink since Thursday he’s been like nothings happened

Yes I do all the housework all the washing all child arrangements literally everything

Following on from my comment above....... that's what sensible, reasonable people would do. However, your updates suggest your partner is neither, so I don't hold out much hope.

Honestly yes that’s what normal reasonable people do but he is just so selfish.

Thursday he finished work went for a few drinks said he was working late 5pm message then I called him said he wasn’t at the pub and he was still denied it anyway said he’d be three quarters off an hour be home ….. 8:30 comes nowhere to be seen I called him oh I was gonna call you I’m at the pub having a drink …….. I just hung up sick of it every week.

gone midnight he strolls in the door .

spent all day Friday in bed sleeping when should be at work and now it’s 3:30 in afternoon and still in bed 👍

we have a child together and he does nothing thinks this is acceptable

I think you should let the drunken comment go this time. Instead try and discuss it in a rational manner, with a spreadsheet of income and expenses.

But honestly, yes please stop making a grown man a packed lunch! I have been married 17 years and I cannot imagine making my husbands packed lunch or him ever expecting me too. I will never understand why women start babying grown men.

How much would he have spent if he'd been in the pub a few hours?
It's not about the money, is it.
It's that he has no respect for you.

It’s not
about the money at all or what he spends he just had no respect says he was grabbing dinner on way home after me calling him at 5 so 3 quarters of an hour he was leaving so I ended up having no dinner because he stayed out until midnight

Go through your account and write down every bill and an average amount for food shop monthly. He then needs to pay a percentage of the bills based on what you both bring home. It's not fair if one person has loads of free money and the other doesn't. I would want to get this sorted cuz he clearly has opinions on it even if he isn't honest when sober. I'd also be pointing out that you are paying half for when his child is here and never made a fuss of it.

I ended up having no dinner because he stayed out until midnight
Have your dinner at your dinner time. If you are in a relationship it's easy to think it's not work cooking for one, but a lot of us will be living alone when older.

I'd be looking to find somewhere to live, work more hours and sort out childcare. A bit of a tall order if you have no savings but not impossible.