How do I accept my relationship with MIL will never be what I wanted

[Magenta3]

Known MIL for 6 years now.

We are totally different people. Chalk and cheese. We have hardly anything in common other than loving her son. I have tried A LOT over the years to instigate conversations, find a middle ground but I end up with not a lot in return.

I get on better with one of my friend's MIL and an older female neighbour than I do my actual MIL...I'm finding it hard to accept. I've had a few heated convos with my partner about MIL because I get frustrated that I can't connect with her. He understandably sees this as an attack on his mum but I don't dislike her, I just don't understand her.

I'm feeling I have to learn to accept this situation for what it is - how can I let go of my frustration and stop dwelling on what I want. I don't want to hurt my partner by getting frustrated with his mum for who she is.

It's ok to have people in your life that you don't have much in common with, doesn't mean you can't have a positive and amicable relationship.

OP, have you always been quite popular? If that's the case I can see why this situation might be a bit alien to you. For some of us its quite normal to know people that we don't jibe with (but still can like and respect as people).

@MisschiefMaker I wouldn't consider myself a popular person, I have a small group of friends in comparison with other people I know. I do enjoy meeting new people however and I will happily talk to people about anything. I find people's stories interesting.

I do respect her and I don't dislike her - I just sometimes feel a bit sad and frustrated I can't have more natural and flowing conversations with her. I feel this puts me under pressure (which as other posters have suggested is probably pressure I put on myself). This pressure then grates on me and I'm guilty of bringing MIL into negative conversations with OH. I guess that's my problem - how to let go and stop bringing it up and just accept it for what it is.

She paid a sizeable chunk of the house, behaves as if its her home as does her son. That's because it is. Perhaps pay her the chunk back?

Y