How do I make this better?

[emeralue]

Partner and I had a conversation last night on the back of me expressing how unhappy I have been at the feeling that he's emotionally checked out of our relationship. He revealed that he had to adapt to the fact I had very little emotional capacity for our relationship, and actively expressed how adverse to physical affection I was after the birth of our child, and that although he doesn't blame me (as in, he knows it wasn't intentional), he has become so used to our new dynamic of a relationship that it's now just his default.

How can I repair this?

Hang on, let's reframe this.

you didn't want to have sex after you've had a baby (now admittedly if this was for a long period of time then yes there's work to do but...)

therefore he withdraws and checks out.

and he's now convinced you it's all your fault and up to you to fix?

@WingedHermes It was six months or so of me not even wanting to be touched by him in any way shape or form (touched out from breastfeeding and constant contact with a very refluxy baby), I also admitted getting all of the love and affection I needed as a human being from our child at the time which really hurt him to hear. I was massively sleep deprived because of the reflux and so I was sometimes a bit shitty with him over nothing which he got resentful of because I didn't apologise afterwards.

We're both at fault but I have neglected his feelings to prioritise our child's because I've seen at the grown adult able to rationalise it

I’D start with an apology for and full acknowledgement of any hurtful behaviour on your part and an expression that you would like to work together to repair things.

If he's a good man with no control issues or manipulative traits then a heart to heart is needed.
Also effort effort effort. Throw some new effort his way. If it changes nothing and doesn't pull him closer and he doesn't respond with a balanced response then there you go. It's easy to get in that blame pattern. I have had it with my ex but he's so manipulative it's impossible to make it work.

Plan days out. Snuggle up. Try relax and offer massages and that can turn Into more if you feel relaxed. It's really difficult after children.

I hope you both with some team work can work on things.

It's not at all unusual for some women to feel as you describe, especially if you are breastfeeding. Its also very common to proritise your baby and a decent night's sleep over your partners needs. Hopefully he was supportive during this time although from what you say he sounds quite resentful.
I would be finding his attitude rather irritating, are you sure he's not paying you back for 'neglecting him'. It all sounds rather petty.

IME you don't fix it.

I'll tell you my story. When I had kids in finally felt what real unconditional love was and I realised that my relationship with their dad was not actually real or unconditional. I was in love with the idea of the relationship more than the reality. I was a mum to STBXH more than I ever was a partner. I carried him for most of the relationship before kids. After the kids arrived, I didn't not have the emotional bandwidth for an adult child and he did not have any kind of emotional sense to realise that I now needed him to reciprocate everything I had done for him for the ten years before we had kids. Apparently I stopped caring, but the reality was I showed him the same level of affection he showed me. Fuck all.

Read Women who love too much. This book has been a revelation to me since we broke up. I wish I'd read it when I was 24 before we moved in together!