How often do you speak to DP on the phone if you don’t live together?

[Sheepdipsunshine]

DP and I have been together for two years and both have children from previous relationships.
We both work more or less full time and quite often in the evening - especially if we have our dc (I have mine most of the time, he has his 50/50) we may not call. We message all the time and we see each other 3 times a week usually but on the days we don’t see each other we don’t always talk. Is that odd?

I am about to take my dc away for a week (on my own - eek!) and I suspect it’ll be tricky to call very much or for long periods of time. Do relationships survive this? We’ve not ‘blended’ in any way at all - we see each other without our dc most of the time and our dc only see each other occasionally. It generally works for us.

I ask really because he’s being a bit off about it - but I have three dc ages 6-13 and they are quite full on.

3 years and we hardly ever call, we message every day and catch up at night over text, if we need a proper talk we call but otherwise no need. Works fine for us, who cares if it's considered odd?

Is the issue that he's unhappy about level of communication when you've got the kids ?

I think we message a lot when we have the kids because obviously then they can’t hear what’s being said and you can reply as and when convenient. I will be in a room with my two younger ones - who don’t sleep til late even when it’s not exciting holiday times!
With my ex husband he’d travel a lot for work and we rarely ever spoke. Mind you - that wasn’t a great relationship so perhaps I shouldn’t use that as an example! We didn’t message either though. We’d just go days on end with no contact - despite my having our children.

We live together now but when we didn't we hardly ever spoke on the phone - it was almost always messaging because I had my DC. Didn't bother either of us but neither of us really talks to many people on the phone generally... What is it that upsets him about it?

I’m not sure… I am less of a phone person than him I think. I don’t really call ANYONE unless I have to. Since the advent of WhatsApp my friends and I have groups on there where we all chat so we all know what’s going on. I can’t remember the last time I phoned any of my friends!
Usually we see each other fairly frequently so I guess if we aren’t calling it doesn’t matter so much!

So he wants calls? You have your kids more and as a pp said its more tricky, you don't want them hearing everything, you cant always dedicate 20 mins to a chat on the phone with dc interrupting, if they don't go to bed early you're dealing with bedtimes at night and then shattered. I think he just needs to deal with the fact that it's just a week you're away for?

Twenty minutes would probably be ok - but omg can this man talk. Any call is at least an hour - even if I say I’m just giving you a quick call before bed or if he calls me and I say - oh im putting x to bed in half an hour.
Still an hour and usually closed to two!

I see my chap every weekend and we talk every day for maybe 20 minutes. But if I was seeing him 3 times a week I’d probably not feel the need for a call every day.

he’s just been away at a festival for 5 days. No calls. One text. I get it because he’s away, busy etc and didn’t bother me.

I’d rather he have fun rather than feeling like he has to be checking in with me on holiday whilst busy.

You are away with the children. Messaging can suffice.

@Sheepdipsunshine Omg who has that kind of time each day 😂 I think you maybe need a chat about what's possible and what's just not given your schedule with the kids

Rarely ever me!
It is noticeable that when he has his dc or when he’s busier he’s less demanding of calls.

We have a similar set up (between 2 to 4 nights together each week)

We may ring each other if its been a week where we weren't together over the weekend, but mostly we just text off and on during the day

Morning and evening chat where possible.
Sometimes brief occasionally short phone conversations.
Other times we both just fall asleep not before touching base and saying goodnight.