Recently blindsided by wife of 15 years ( 3 DSs 4,8) suggesting to separate amicably over what’sapp, when I was visiting my parents with kids!
Things ( communication, intimacy etc) were not great between us for a few years now . I suggested therapy, she was not keen. I honestly thought she was having mental health issues that she doesn’t want me involved in resolving it . Naively went along and thought it will get better with time, my love etc.
Partly I have my ego to blame,I contribute significantly more financially to the household , paid for her residential post graduation, supported her career , took care of kids when she needed hols with girl friends to clear her head every year . Do 50% of household chores , kids pickups, homework’s etc.
Looking back now there were clear signs that she had checked out of marriage a while back. I was too smug a devoted husband/father to notice.
Now some very obvious signs of infidelity have emerged. I was going confront on my return,I have a feeling the rushed separation notice is to avoid the discussion .
The dilemma I have is that we have acted as a normal couple with all our family & friends. My parents love her and like wise between me and in-laws . Most of her friends became our friends.
Should I establish infidelity ( it’s not difficult as there are so many holes in her story of the 4 day work trip) and be honest with everyone around us on my side of the story, which will help get support that I will need for a 50/50 children split.
or
Just say it’s a mutual decision, we fell apart over the years etc..so my boys never hear about it and helps to keep things amicable for co parenting . The problem however is that everyone will assume that I instigated it, not worked hard enough or infidelity , unfortunately in our wider circle men have been the perpetrators every single time.