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Original poster

Am I expecting too much

5 replies

CheckedOutAlready · 18/08/2023 22:07

Don't want to drip feed and need some outside perspective.

I'm married to a very nice DH. He looks after me financially, cooks most nights, does the washing etc etc. All good hut we haven't had sex now for over 10 years. We are both early 50s. We've talked about it a bit, but at this point it seems to awkward to even try.

Added to this, we have autistic DD 15. Dh and her share a bond. Dh shares many of her traits. They have a special bond which is great, but they exclude me. The only affection Dh shows is to DD. I don't want him to stop cuddling her, but I do want him to cuddle me as well. They have fun together, but DD treats me like shit. She is rude and aggressive. Dh says I shouldn't let her wind me up.

I'm also menopausal.

One of these things I could cope with but all three are overwhelming. I've said to Dh that we should divorce but he rolls his eyes and says he loves me. He is the child of a brutal divorce so would never willingly agree.

I can't bear the thought of another 30 years like this. But I do understand that in the greater scheme of things, my life is not that bad.

I dream of running away.... I really don't know what to do for the best

OP posts:
mycatsanutter · 18/08/2023 23:03

When you say you have talked about it a bit what does he say? 10 years with no sex is a very long time !

something2say · 18/08/2023 23:07

I feel for you. I had a sexless relationship for a while and it left me very sad - and vulnerable, with a need for sex. It was resolved only by leaving him. He was that way with the woman before me, which I did not know until the breakup conversation.

systematicreview · 18/08/2023 23:08

No you're not expecting too much. Rarely is no sex in a marriage the only issue, there is a block that comes from somewhere deeper. And it's probably taken a good few years for it to have gotten to the point 10 years ago where you stopped having sex altogether. You guys should talk it out with a therapist. All is not lost. All the best, OP.

WorldCuppa · 19/08/2023 10:50

@something2say Genuine question, how did that leave you vulnerable?

something2say · 19/08/2023 11:28

'The thirsting soul drinks from muddy waters' if you get my meaning.

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