I have posted previously (although have NC for this as it’s so sensitive) about my mum over-involving me in her marital disputes with my dad. For full disclosure, he is my step father, but I call him “Dad” as he’s been in my life since I was very young and he’s so lovely & kind and has always treated me as his own.
My parents have a horribly volatile relationship, my mum is always furious about something my dad has done / hasn’t done. Weeks of silent treatment will ensue and we’re all away of it at family meet ups.
She was hugely critical of me as a child & teenager. For context, I have never taken drugs, I don’t drink and have an Oxbridge degree, so I was pretty well behaved. She was on my case constantly when I was growing up accusing me of all sorts. She always made sex very awkward e.g. she tried to sell our house when I was a young teenager…at the time, I was on the pill purely because of my acne, which she fully encouraged me to do…she came into my room, pointed at the pill packet and said in a horribly shaming tone: “Hide those. Prospective buyers don’t want to know you’re having sex”. Another example was with regards to my younger sister; she genuinely accused me of “sexually grooming” her because I’d let her watch a snippet of Snakes On A Plane…my sister was mid teens and I was early 20s. My parents had let her watch similar previously. I was truly devastated.
She has told me this afternoon that my dad has been sexually assaulting her for years. Not rape, but forcing her to be touched by him intimately when getting undressed, for example. She said “I finally told him “No more” a few years ago. I don’t want his spit all over me.” I said “His spit? What do you mean? He’s been spitting on you?” She replied “No, just from him sucking on me”….I found the whole exchange so upsetting, confusing and I feel utterly dirty knowing this level of detail.
I want to support her, and I do believe her, but I also know she is prone to exaggeration. I feel like I’ve lost my dad. She said she doesn’t want me to change my perspective on my dad, but how can I not?? I feel utterly broken & alone…my husband is on a flight as he’s now abroad with work for a week.
I think I just needed to write it down as I’m feeling so confused.