Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband was such a prick yesterday!

21 replies

ManicMum2023 · 18/08/2023 06:26

Yesterday we got into a fight with my husband I was being a bitch the other day because his presence was annoying me and the fact that I had all this mental load and he was doing nothing about it just letting the to do lists get longer and not taking time off work either to help with the kids. I am working full time and watching the kids whilst working so not getting any work done so I had to sit in a pub and work all evening the other night so working until 11pm and then I slept on the sofa and woke up at 5 am and did some work before the children woke up so I thought I could log off at 9 until 11 and sort the children out then log back on to work at lunchtime.

I felt like I had got a lot done that evening and morning and was feeling a little less pressure. But when my husband woke up and came downstairs the next morning he was fuming and said go and work upstairs if that's all you can think about and care about and he kept on going on and on and kept on saying it and would not stop. I snapped and told him to go to hell! Then he said he was already in hell!! That has stuck in my head now and I am no longer talking to him!

in order to get around working from home with the children I thought I would log on early and take a chunk of my morning off to help them with breakfast and some maths and writing or spellings and reading before logging back to work after that was done and their lunch sorted. Then I thought I would work the evenings to make up my time and targets so I put on the calendar that I am out every evening to work. Which has obviously pissed him off but he has not told me he was taking any time off this summer at all!!!! I should not have to ask him to suggest it! I have had issues with him in the past where he gets lazy because he expects me to do the planning and arranging and thinking so I am seeing if he can think and make plans himself.

The fact that he said he is already in hell has really pissed me off. I am not keeping him here.. he can go if he wants to. After that outburst I flipped and said you want a fight first thing in the morning and flipped and he only stopped when I said do you want me to go back on the meds! I have only just come off post natal anti depressants in April and that was after kicking him out of the house.

Then I cried all day yesterday and could not work so just had a shower and cried in the shower.

Then I took my sons football, and he was saying I was going to take them and he was acting all nice and normal and said he thought I could do my work. But I just left the house without saying a word because he fucked up my day and I could not get any work done because I was so upset.

I really cannot stand him and how he is making my life difficult!

OP posts:
Whattodo112222 · 18/08/2023 06:36

Looking after the children whilst working isn't sustainable. Can you afford holiday clubs etc?

As for your husband... what are you getting out of being with such a prince?

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 18/08/2023 06:46

I’m not excusing your husband but trying to work and look after the kids for more than a couple of days is never going to work. Can you find childcare for them?

DustyLee123 · 18/08/2023 06:53

Why were you working in a pub ?

YukoandHiro · 18/08/2023 06:56

You need formal childcare. No wonder you are unravelling.

You need to sit down with your DH and make a proper plan for the rest of the holidays. There are still spaces at most camps for the last two weeks.

onlylovecanhurtlikethis · 18/08/2023 07:01

He's being a dick if he hasn't taken time off this summer holiday when he could have done to ensure you had childcare and enable you to work!

Even my prince of an ex who hasn't seen the kids in a year really has been drafted in this summer for a few days even if it's just so I can work undisturbed upstairs

I really feel for you as trying to make up hours for work around kids being home is so hard

Soakitup37 · 18/08/2023 07:10

Working and looking after children does not work. Believe me I’ve tried it and all it does is amount to incredibly stressful days where you feel like you can’t meet anyone’s needs.

this can’t be a happy environment for anyone involved.

ThePoetsWife · 18/08/2023 07:14

Does he do any childcare at all? Has he taken time off to look after the children? Or is it all on you? If so, no wonder you're pissed off given you're taking on the mental load as well.

You need to tell him it's a 50:50 split for childcare and household chores and admin.

Hibiscrubbed · 18/08/2023 07:18

Does he work?

AtlasPine · 18/08/2023 07:20

I don’t think the decisions to not speak are helping. You need to communicate more effectively with each other. Your fury is like the overboiling of a pot - until you actually take it off the fire and cool down enough to have a productive conversation with each other, nothing is going to get better.

Youwho2 · 18/08/2023 07:41

Hou can't look after children and work. You need to put them in holiday club or both take annual leave at different times to make it work.

ManicMum2023 · 18/08/2023 08:36

Yeah working from home and with three kids really is not sustainable. I have learnt that the hard way but I have limited holidays left and saving some for their next holidays. Usually I have holidays and take them with the children every holiday but this year I needed a holiday on my own to help my recovery from post natal depression so I went abroad for three weeks.

I was working in a restaurant because it has wifi and only place open until 11pm so I could work. I managed to get loads done in this environment than I did at home the entire week or 2 weeks.

I am a great planner but my husband is awful at planning. He puts things on the calendar last minute which drives me nuts as I like to plan ahead and we only have one car because I am working from home so for example he has the car in the weekday and I rearrange my errands for the evenings and weekends as a result but then he does not tell me he is off so I can use the car during the week and rearrange my errands so it frees up my weekend.

Holidays - I started barking back at him yday because he would not stop and then I said I would not need to work every evening if you took some time off then he said he has taken time off for next week! After I am at a meltdown point he tells me this!

I have taken some days off in the 6 weeks holidays if we have planned catch ups with friends and family so I have taken children out, one week 4 days in a row taking three children out one being a toddler.

Then I had a meltdown then he started dropping the children off at his mum and dads last Tuesday and the Tuesday before. I have to be at boiling point for him to see

Childcare on holidays - my mum comes around from 11 to about 2 to help a bit but I am home so I still get interrupted and I have to micromanage that because I am asked questions in between.

Holiday clubs - I should put them in holiday club but they are different ages, so toddler will be on their own so thought it would be nice to spend summer together. But now husband has said he has taken some days off next week and the week after I have 2 days booked off. I will look at holiday clubs for a couple of days.

I think I have answered all the questions.

OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 18/08/2023 09:37

First and foremost, I get it will cost money.. but can you put the kids in holiday club?

Your husband is a useless dickhead.. but I think the root cause is your children not being in formal childcare.

I hope you get it sorted.

always2323 · 18/08/2023 09:57

Sounds like your making things hard for yourself.

If you're a good planner, then don't wait until things go wrong before doing anything about it.

You should have organised childcare and your husband taking time off months ago. Not just have the expectation he will do it and then get pissy when he doesnt meet your expectation. You have have also failed to organise your work time here. Not just him.

Organise childcare or holiday club for the kids for a few days over then next two weeks, also you can work on the days your husband is off. Issue sorted.

Tinklyheadtilt · 18/08/2023 10:23

Why did you take holiday for PND? Your work should have given you leave for that.

Impossible to work and look after kids - need to have school holiday clubs if you are both working. Husband needs to do his share as well.

ManicMum2023 · 18/08/2023 12:03

Managers said I should take some off work sick if required but I said no and said I would monitor it.

I took annual leave to have a holiday abroad to help with the recovery by going away on my own and relaxing. I needed a break from everyone and everything hence the holiday abroad

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 18/08/2023 12:12

I'm with the pp who've said it's impossible to work from home with children - wfh is not a childcare option, wfh is a different work location and should be treated as such.

In terms of going abroad on your own, that must have really cut into your available leave. I can see what you wanted a break, but that should have been put through as sick leave if things were that bad. It seems like a lot of problems have been stored up here that could have been managed more effectively. Never underestimate the planning that go into covering school holidays - I remember it well, it was a flipping nightmare.

gotmychristmasmiracle · 18/08/2023 18:51

Your work managers sound amazing, and this is way way tooo much for one person to handle.... I would be losing the will to live with all this... you need childcare if working and you also need and deserve sleep... I would be so ratty if I was functioning on that amount of sleep, in fact I would be at full mental breakdown point. Hope you can sort some childcare out asap Xx

Cupcakekiller · 18/08/2023 19:08

You need childcare or use annual leave.

onlylovecanhurtlikethis · 18/08/2023 19:35

so I went abroad for three weeks.

Bit self indulgent even if it was for PND sorry OP. Especially as now it's caused an issue with taking time off over the summer hols.

OhwhyOY · 18/08/2023 20:33

I'm impressed you managed to have three weeks away despite having multiple children. Who looked after your kids during that time, was it your husband? If so does he resent that do you think, which is maybe why he's not being as helpful as he could be? If so I'm not saying that's ok but maybe worth working it through with him?

tootiredtospeak · 18/08/2023 21:29

You had a holiday for 3 weeks alone whilst he presumably worked and sorted the kids. You are taking the mic really to now complain that's affected you negatively this holiday. It's incredibly self indulgent with small children and he doesn't exactly sound amazing but if he facilitated that I think your the one being unreasonable

New posts on this thread. Refresh page