Nc.
not sure why i’m posting here but my husband and i have been miserable for years - i feel like i’ve subjected my kids to years of it for nothing. About 18 months ago he was leaving got a house etc so decision made then he back tracked wanted to stay etc & i agreed to give it another go & i can’t even explain things or how i’ve ended up here but past month or so we’re back were we where before & i know most of it is me. We haven’t had sex in about 4 months because i don’t want to. I can make excuses & blame tiredness & stress or whatever but i just don’t want as he’s so moany / huffy / petty etc & i simply i don’t like him. I know thats a big issue but goes back to how bad the past few years were. Last year things were quite good & i made an effort to have sex more (not switched off kind i can and do get into it & enjoy it when i do it) & that was ok for a bit & i think he was happier but then the moods etc started again & i just felt like whats the point he’s never happy. I think if he was a good day it would be better but he just thinks as he provides (i’m a sahm so “lazy” ) we should be grateful. I am to a degree but i’d rather less money with him working more normal hours to be around & me working part time with him doing school runs, homework, clubs sometime or making dinners or tidying or whatever & i think we’d be happier i also
want to downsize our house etc but anyway past few weeks he did something, not a big thing which annoyed me & i can’t move past it & he says we never have an adult conversation so tried tonight & its all about poor him, i’m terrible & because i don’r have sex with him (which to be clear i know is a big issue & is a seperate thing i’m working on & know i need help with) but he doesn’t see what i see & why i don’t want to - i’ve turned into my mum which i swore i would never do but anyway he’s now decided tonight because of me he’s looking at flats again 🙄 i don’t actually care as i’ll be happier, he doesn’t make my life easier in anyway if anything he makes it harder & my kids are older (8, 12) & pick up on it & don’t want us to split. I feel like i ‘ve let them down i sghoukd have listened to my mum 20 yeRs ago as she didn’t like him but shr’s dead so i can’t get that time back. I’m just feeling like a failure & worried how my kids will be. Deep down i know we’ll be happier long term - well i will be & i think in time so will they but how do i shield them from it all & deal with the initial hurt? I feel like such a failure but i’ve tried & tried for years & i just don’g feel “it” anymore. Too much has gone on & i can’t go back even though i really tried & theres only so much pretending i can do so thats it (nearly 2 yeRs to the day to the same scenario kivking off him leaving etc) & thats 2 more wasted years but had my kids been younger when i left they’d have adjusted easier & would be settled now snd i can’r protect them from this & have no idea how to start i have no family so no support or abyone to takj ti sorry not making sense & lots of typos i just think
“not again”