Just ended abusive relationship

[Yellowlemon11]

As above. I can’t stop crying. I’ve been making excuses for how he treats me for so long and I can’t do it anymore. I’ve listened to friends and family tell me how they’re genuinely worried about me, trying to make me see how abusive he was and that it wasn’t love, but I just wasn’t ready to accept that, I was too caught up in it all.

It was my birthday recently and we had plans, on the day he was horrible to me for no reason and refused to engage in our plans, he told me it was my fault because I’d ruined the day. I was too upset to even tell friends and family that I’d stayed indoors by myself all day on my birthday so I pretended the plans went ahead. He went out with a woman he had been cheating on me with, I found out on my birthday when I saw the messages.

I feel so genuinely broken and alone and sad. I just want a hand hold to help me get through the next few days. I’ve blocked him everywhere and I don’t think he will try and reach out, he doesn’t care enough about me.

Holding your hand x

it doesn’t feel like it now, but you’ve just done the best think you could possibly do for your future self.

Its so hard, allow yourself to grieve but know you’ve absolutely done the right thing. Can you ring a friend for some support? You’ve got this OP, I’ve been there and I’m proud of you.

Be extra kind to yourself x

Well done, OP

Also holding hand❤️ message if you need anyone to talk to. More than happy to talk or just be an ear. Be ready and on guard, people like that are very good at manipulating you after too..just do not allow contact and let him get in your head. Well done for being brave x

Thank you I really appreciate it

Ive known for such a long time that it isn’t healthy but I loved him so much I just kept trying to see the good and ignore the bad, even when he screamed in my face and scared me and called me every name under the sun. It’s just all such a mess. If I ever cried because he was so horrible he just used to mock me for it.

I’m too embarrassed to call anyone and tell them, I just feel like I never want to leave the house again. I honestly haven’t been in this much emotional pain in my entire life 😔 I know it sounds dramatic but I can’t imagine ever feeling happy or peaceful again, I thought once I got off the rollercoaster I’d feel relieved but I don’t yet

First few days are the hardest I think. You did so well leaving him. You don't deserve this. Let him be. It will be a rough patch, but then you'll feel so much better! Sounds like you have lovely friends around for support. Sending you a massive hug!

Are you safe?

Yes he’s away working, but he was giving me the silent treatment anyway when I ended things so I don’t expect any big reaction from him. I just feel really sad

That will come in time.

Please tell someone, if it were one of your friends I’m sure you’d want to support them?

Abusive relationships really fuck us up. They are not as easy to get over as a “normal” relationship, it’s like an addiction. We question everything, we blame ourselves, we want closure and for them to accept what they did was wrong but we’re not dealing with normal people like you or I, their mind works differently and you’ll never get the closure you want. You’ll give it to yourself eventually, but for now just the basics. Rest and eat when you can. Plenty of water.

I spent months reading about the cycle of abuse and trauma bonds, followed loads of experts on Instagram, I had to have some trauma therapy and even now many months down the line I’m still not fully ok. I’m a thousand times better than I was though, and I know I could never go back. I miss what I thought he was, what he pretended to be. I let myself grieve that, I didn’t try and push my feelings away; I just let myself feel whatever it was I was feeling.

He will come back, they always do. Stay strong and remember you are worth so much more. Contact Women’s Aid for support, build yourself back up slowly. One day at a time you’ll get there and I absolutely promise you’ll be happier for leaving x

I know I made the right choice logically but why does it feel so wrong, it feels like I’ve lost the most important and special person in my life, nothing makes sense.

It's normal to feel sad, even knowing some people were bad to us because we're still mourning the end of a dream and hope you had. The good news is, you can still jave that hope or dream with someone else.

Also, chemistry. Your body is trying to adjust to loss of neurochemicals you felt when with him. That is bc when with people, we get attached quite literally, this is why heartbreak aches. Grief is a normal process that goes on even when we say goodbye to someone cruel to us.

I hope this helps a bit.

Holding your hand if needed 💐

Thank you, I really appreciate this - I’m going to read up on that stuff when I feel a bit calmer. I’ve spent weeks building up to doing this and ending things and cutting contact but now I’ve managed to do it suddenly it feels like I’ve made a huge mistake. I really want this to all be left in the past and to be able to move on mentally with my life 😣