Do you think he has a gf?

[gfquery]

Been speaking to a guy, and noticed on fb I stumbled upon a profile and her only info is in a relationship with him, her profile photo is them kissing.

I confronted him, he says she's a nutter and they've separated and he lets her "keep it on to feel better" on her profile, and I can "message her if I want". He has nothing on his profile publicly, but he's never accepted me as we speak on another platform.

Surely this is BS?

Ah the "crazy ex"
Run far and run fast.

The thing is - even if it is true, do you really want that kind of drama in your life?

I mean there’s very little chance it’s true, but even if it was most people would advise walking away.

Don't message, just walk away. If it was a clear cut 'he's married/ with her' then ok but as it stands, you don't know for sure, only that it looks extremely dodgy. So dodgy you would be a fool to stick around. But I wouldn't involve myself further. Just be pleased you've spotted this and have robust enough boundaries not to tolerate it.

So I confronted him before blocking him.

He says “I am not with anyone, your trust issues are not my doing so please don’t make them my problem”

surely this is gaslighting? I don’t even have trust issues

Obviously gaslighting.
He's not a prince op.
Whether you message her or not now you need to walk away.
(But by messaging him you've probably got the wind up him and he will be prepping his actual girlfriend about you, this crazy girl off the internet who thinks she's got a chance blah blah blah. So even if you did message her, he has covered his bases nicely.)

That’s okay, I definitely won’t be messaging, I just want to make sure I know in future what is gaslighting and what isn’t. When I got that text, I started to question myself and feel really guilty

You don't want drama, walk out. If his ex gf actually is what he says, that's going to cause drama as time goes by as well.

Sorry responded too early. Well done for getting rid of him. He sounds like an idiot.

Why would you feel guilty anyway. You don't owe this man anything? You've known him less than five minutes and to be quite Frank, I doubt even a husband of ten years solid loyalty could pull.off the 'you should trust me' act in the circumstances.

Days may be his gf or not
but “nutter” instant red flag!
he sounds like too much drama
just move on

@HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMariaa i think I feel guilty because he told me I had lead him on and was saying I’ve clearly been hurt in the past to drop him this way and that I think it’s okay. The whole conversation made me feel super weird and it made me feel like I had to question my character. I’m not an assertive person at all and it’s just made me quite anxious

Screenshot, send to the gf and block. Fuck that

Oh he sounds awful - such a gaslighter.

I would take screenshots of what he's said and if he causes you any more problems I would send them to her.

@gfquery that just means that his tactic worked op. Rather than focusing on the fact that he's a jerk you're doubting yourself. Please stay away!

You Led him on?
Huge red flag.
You don't owe any man time. Dates. Sex.
Honestly I do think that you need to work on your boundaries. Not a criticism, I was like this in my twenties but abusers sniff out naiveity and poor boundaries.

@HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMariaa no absolutely, I am in my early 20's and totally agree with what you're saying because I know that's what I'm like. I feel like I have too much empathy and feel bad for everything.

He was saying I shouldn't have spoke to him if I didn't want to meet up and that "if I think he has a partner and didn't disclose that then I must have a poor impression and I won't miss him anyway" - is this a form of turning it back on me too?

Total gaslighter. If he was genuine he would understand that a picture of a woman kissing him looks offputting to anyone sane and would not try to blame shift and twist.

txt her. then get rid of him. he's lying.

He's lying, well done for blocking him, don't waste any more of your time on him.

I feel sorry for the woman in the picture and would probably send her the screenshots.

I'd send the screenshots too. He can't talk his way out of them. He will try and claim you're a "nutter" to her, to discredit what you say, so screenshots are good.

Absolute prick obviously cheating on one woman and gaslighting another, and telling you it's your fault you've got trust issues.

Definitely screenshot the gf. Maybe with a little message saying: he's told me you're crazy and unstable and keep his picture up because you're unwell and obsessed...which I don't believe at all, and I imagine you will get a similar story that I am a "crazy and unstable" woman messaging you, which I am not either.