Guy can't believe I like him

[zarazara87]

So I really like this guy I initiated it. He's not my usual type but I've been in awful relationship last one was abusive. I've took time and healed. This guy can't believe I'm interested in him. We have had too dates and are on our 3rd day tomorrow night.

He honestly tells me he's lucky and he can't believe it. He's low in confidence and when we talk we both have a wall up slightly from past hurt.

How do I make him feel good about his self. He doesn't fish for compliments or out like that it's just he doesn't see how amazing he is.

He may be genuinely shy or low confidence like I am

Honestly? If he was genuine he would not be going in hard with the 'I can't believe' shite. If he was genuine he may be thinking this but deep down would never be so bold and brazen as to say it after a couple of dates. This is classic manipulation.

Only you can make the judgement on whether you are ready to date again. You have received some great advice here, take your time, the smallest steps and date for fun- nothing more, see where it takes you. Take the pressure off both of you- dating is supposed to be fun, not a project.

I agree, not your job to fix him. And don't discuss how you feel about each other. Romance analysis at the start of any relationship is the kiss of death. Just do fun things together. talk about stuff that interests you. Let things evolve gradually.

Obviously there isn't much for you to go on yet, but keep an eye out for red flags. The being cheated on twice before could so easily be a set up to make you accept controlling behaviour, because he just can't help being jealous because you're so much better than him and he's so wounded... Definitely do the freedom programme, and maybe watch some youtube videos about covert/vulnerable narcissism. Maybe he's great and just a bit unboundaried and low in self esteem, but what you have shared doesn't sound that promising.

He honestly tells me he's lucky and he can't believe it.

This old line. He's bullshitting you already.

He's too full on for me which even if he's genuine would be a turn off.

There are a lot of red flags here already OP.

The fact that you’ve previously been in an abusive relationship does mean you are more likely to fall into another. I strongly recommend you do the Freedom Program.

Secondly - him bringing up your career so soon, he’s already showing you that it bothers him and (pretends to) feels inferior because of it.

Insecure men can be controlling - if he is genuinely insecure that’s reason enough to leave him alone. Before long you’ll be tying yourself in knots to reassure him, he won’t like you seeing friends or going out because “he loves you so much and he’s just worried you’ll leave him”.

The fact that you want to fix his insecurities- that’s not your job. He should come whole and as an equal partner, not a project to fix. His insecurities are his problem, not yours.

Tread carefully here, and for the love of God do the freedom program x