Help me settle a dispute with my husband.
I think he's spending too much time on his hobbies and leaving me alone on most weeknights, and he refuses to accept that his hobbies might be excessive.
Here's a typical week:
I work in an office 9-5, whilst he works at home and I usually get home at 5:30.
On Mondays he plays football and is gone from 6:40-8:15 (he'll pass the time from when he finishes work at 5:30 to when he leaves pottering around or playing games on his phone), comes back and has a shower and tea and finally sits down with me until around 10, when he goes up to bed. I'm a night owl so I stay up til 1 or so.
Tuesdays we go right from work to his mum's for tea and then he drops me off at home and goes climbing from 8-10, comes home and has a shower and then goes straight to bed.
Wednesdays be goes to the gym - he'll get home around 7:30/8, shower and tea puts it to about 9 when he is finally ready to spend time with me, and then he goes to bed at 10.
Thursday is games night where he plays board games and video games with some mates. He leaves at 7:30 and comes back at midnight/half past. Sometimes he goes to the gym before so he leaves for the gym by 6 and comes back for a shower and food before he's off again.
Friday is the one day he might not go somewhere after work, but it's still 50/50 if he goes to the gym or not.
Weekends usually involve F1 or football on TV for hours and/or video games with his mates, long naps and spending time studying for his career (coding but this is also a sort of hobby for him). Asking him to help out with the house or garden is always met with resistance and he gets annoyed if he has to do anything that wasn't already on his agenda for the day, like cutting the lawn.
I feel like he doesn't want to spend any time with me and that he's prioritising his gym time and hobbies over our relationship. I'm currently dealing with really horrible abdominal and back pain and can barely eat, and it feels like a hand is squeezing my organs all the time, so I'm not up for joining him on any of these activities. I'm spending my time either working or alone and in agony.
I've brought this up to him and he brushes it off and doesn't think he's spending too much time off doing his own thing. He also says I don't suggest doing anything so he thinks it's fine to go do his own thing every day. I don't suggest things anymore because he isn't fussed with anything I'd want to do, and I feel like crap most workdays and am happy to watch a film or chat. I'd play board games or something like that as well but I don't think it's 100% my responsibility to come up with alternatives to entice him away from his hobbies. He could suggest some things to do, so why is it all on me?
It feels very much like being a teen and having friends who only hang out with you when nothing better is on offer. Time with me feels like the last resort option. When I bring this up he tells me it's not the case but then also makes digs about how I don't do anything (I'm basically disabled at the moment, but even when I did want to do things outside the house he wouldn't want to spend money. Only wants to do free things).
Would this bother anyone else or am I ridiculous? I'm sitting on the couch alone right now as he's off again.