When you get home from.work.. .

[Teal123]

I'm a bit of a sensitive sole & take things to heart easily. My husband came home the other night a bit grumpy. I always offer him a coffee whether he gets in before me or after. He said leave me be for 5 mins. I'd been to a funeral that day so i suppose i was feeling more sensitive than usual and just made dinner & didn't say anymore. At dinner he looked at me & said why i you in a mood to which i replied im not you told me to leave you be so that's what I did. Later he said that i always get in his way when he come home & why can't i just listen to him & give him space. He makes me feel like im overbearing which im not i only offer him a coffee & sit down b4 i start making dinner. I then said well let me know next time when your nearly home & ill go upstairs for 15 mins. I'm basically hurt that he doesn't come in pleased to see me and give me a kiss straight away.. Am i
being silly & unrealistic?

Sounds like you're just different; he wants time to decompress at first which is natural, you want to connect which is also natural.

I agree.

Depending on my day, i generally need time to decompress when I get in from work. I just don't have the mental capacity to be pleased to see someone or for hugs and kisses or to hear from my daughter about the latest TikTok video she's watched 😩

I lie down on my bed in my darkened bedroom or sit in the garden. I can't even form a meaningful sentence sometimes.

Sometimes, I'm full of the joys of spring!

My partner recognises the signs and knows it isn't personal. He understands that I'm not rejecting him and that my brain has just gone. But I'll be back when it's returned and I always am.

Why on earth have you offered to go upstairs for 15 minutes when he gets home?

He is a grown man, can he not either sit in the car for 5 minutes to decompress or whatever he needs to do, or go to the bedroom to get changed.

I would stop offering him a coffee on his return and let him come to you. See how that goes.

I think if he sent you off then it's up to him to approach you nicely when he is ready to communicate. It sounds like you went off to make dinner and then at the table he was put out that you were not all chatty. I'd put it to him that you understand he needs time to decompress but then you need him to reconnect and not leave it for you to figure out when it's ok to talk. He sounds like he is demanding but not giving.