Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

First date by landmark

21 replies

iwalkirun · 17/08/2023 14:06

I met someone online and they asked me to meet this evening. I'm in my late 30s, he is in his mid-40s.
They've suggested we meet by a London landmark where tourists typically flock to.
I don't feel enthusiastic about it as I've had three landmark dates recently that turned out to be men who couldn't be bothered to make an effort.
Should I listen to my intuition and not meet this man or am I catastrophising?

OP posts:
mindutopia · 17/08/2023 15:39

Do you mean they just want to have a walk around by the London Eye, for example, as a date? Sounds a bit boring to me. I don't think there's anything wrong with not going out for a whole dinner as a first date (gets expensive, I'd assume!), but I'd rather sit somewhere quite and have a chat. Why not suggest a cafe or a pub (plenty of cheap AF drinks) so you can actually talk to each other? I can't imagine wanting to elbow my way through the tourists on a date either.

Summer2424 · 17/08/2023 15:51

Hi @iwalkirun
I think you should go. The one date i really didn't want to go on turned out to be the one.
If you do decide to go, have a lovely time xx

Roughashouses · 17/08/2023 15:54

Suggest somewhere else?

Watchkeys · 17/08/2023 16:00

Why are you telling us rather than him? How do you think it would work if you started a relationship with him? Would you be here every time he suggested doing something you didn't feel like, or would you be saying to him 'I'd rather do x or y'?

Original poster
iwalkirun · 17/08/2023 16:15

mindutopia · 17/08/2023 15:39

Do you mean they just want to have a walk around by the London Eye, for example, as a date? Sounds a bit boring to me. I don't think there's anything wrong with not going out for a whole dinner as a first date (gets expensive, I'd assume!), but I'd rather sit somewhere quite and have a chat. Why not suggest a cafe or a pub (plenty of cheap AF drinks) so you can actually talk to each other? I can't imagine wanting to elbow my way through the tourists on a date either.

Yes, that's what I mean.
They're being lazy with plans. They asked me to meet for a drink. I said yes, I can do Thursday. Then they said 'so where are you thinking'?
I tactfully reminded them that they proposed this meeting. They then suggested meeting at the landmark.

I then suggested a bar close by to sit and chat, but they haven't responded. I'm not really keen on walking around to be honest.

OP posts:
DontHaveAnyAnswers · 17/08/2023 16:16

Suggest somewhere else if you’re not keen, see what he says. If it’s a no then probably don’t bother.

Original poster
iwalkirun · 17/08/2023 16:16

Summer2424 · 17/08/2023 15:51

Hi @iwalkirun
I think you should go. The one date i really didn't want to go on turned out to be the one.
If you do decide to go, have a lovely time xx

Thank you. I will. Lucky you Flowers

OP posts:
anotheranotheranotheranother · 17/08/2023 16:19

I don't at all understand the problem with meeting at a landmark to then go on for a drink

KnickerlessParsons · 17/08/2023 16:20

You could suggest meeting at a pub, museum or something instead.

Original poster
iwalkirun · 17/08/2023 16:21

Roughashouses · 17/08/2023 15:54

Suggest somewhere else?

I have suggested elsewhere which is a minute close by. They just haven't responded.

Weeks ago, they suggested I meet with them for drinks after a late Friday night at work. When I declined saying it's been a long day, they stopped engaging for days even though we were chatting about other things. Just never replied after I said I'd rather go home to rest.

A part of me is saying they may have a tendency to go radio silent if they don't get their way. Am I reading too much into it?

OP posts:
Original poster
iwalkirun · 17/08/2023 16:25

anotheranotheranotheranother · 17/08/2023 16:19

I don't at all understand the problem with meeting at a landmark to then go on for a drink

That's a possibility.
I could turn up and then insist we find somewhere to sit and chat.

OP posts:
anotheranotheranotheranother · 17/08/2023 16:29

Sorry I must have misunderstood I thought you had arranged to go for a drink and he suggested the landmark as an easy meeting place?

Watchkeys · 17/08/2023 17:16

It doesn't matter what you're reading into it. If someone isn't impressing you, find someone who does. Don't date anyone who doesn't blow your socks off. A good rule is 'Don't have any kind of relationship with someone who makes you want to post on a forum'.

otherhalves · 17/08/2023 18:24

It sounds like he's maybe being a bit hot and cold, especially if you were chatting and then he just suddenly stopped etc. But if it's not a long trip for you, I figure you've got nothing to lose. It's one drink to see if he's real and you never know?!

EveryOtherNameTaken · 17/08/2023 19:28

Did you meet?

Original poster
iwalkirun · 17/08/2023 19:42

I just got out of the date and feel beaten down.
I should have listened to my instinct. He was very condescending. We spent 20mins trying to locate each other around the new place of meet he suggested around the landmark. He didn't agree to go to the place I chose.
On the date, he was throwing me subtle back-handed comments. And mansplaining. He was critical of my looks, accusing me that I must have the world easy for being pretty. He claimed the world favours people like me who are seen as pretty and how he'd imagine I have men drooling after me. I completely disagreed, citing that I work hard for everything like everyone else and no, the world doesn't bow at my feet.
He kept talking about uncomfortable things relating to race and body size and in a debating loud tone as though we are on opposing sides. Whatever I said, he'd have a rebuttal.
Then he cut the date abruptly in the middle of a conversation. I checked as I walked away and noticed he's unmatched me.
Gosh this date unsettled the hell out of me!

OP posts:
Original poster
iwalkirun · 17/08/2023 20:20

Watchkeys · 17/08/2023 17:16

It doesn't matter what you're reading into it. If someone isn't impressing you, find someone who does. Don't date anyone who doesn't blow your socks off. A good rule is 'Don't have any kind of relationship with someone who makes you want to post on a forum'.

Very wise advice. Thank you.
I'm going to do better; feel really down tonight.

OP posts:
EveryOtherNameTaken · 17/08/2023 20:35

Sounds like he's got inferiority issues and deflected them on you.

Sorry he wasted your time but don't give up. There'll be someone who will click on your level rather than a bitter man trying to patronise you.

Olika · 17/08/2023 20:43

Sorry to hear ur was a bad date. Definitely go with your gut feeling in the future. I did online dating for 3 years before I met my now husband and towards the end I wasn't having any bs from anybody. Good luck! Smile

Watchkeys · 18/08/2023 08:46

Don't let a prat unsettle you. He's not your problem.

Question why you didn't walk away before he did, though.

Original poster
iwalkirun · 18/08/2023 13:50

Thank you all.
@Watchkeys thank you for the last point. It's something I pondered on whilst cycling back home. I notice that I'm still working on closing conversations especially when the other person is talking a lot.
One tactic that I've been using is to agree to give max an hour to a date; but I need to master cutting interactions short.
Oh well, I live and learn!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page