To think a new house post separation will make a difference?

[howmanytimes34]

I posted this on AIBU but no responses ( I guess it's not exactly a fascinating topic 😅) so trying here...

Going through a difficult separation from my husband, we have two young kids.

I think our family house will have to be sold. It is a lovely house, but I think I hate it, if that makes sense. But I'm so unhappy generally it is hard to tell.

I fantasise about moving into a new house on my own (with the kids) even though it will be much smaller and much less nice , in a less nice area.

Am I kidding myself that I will be happier?

I just want to prepare myself mentally if I don't feel better, but instead feel depressed as I'll still have to deal with my arsehole husband and the fall out for my kids, but from a crappier living situation.

What were other people's experiences?

@Pixiedust1234 @ScottishIceCream @ohotoframe and others, I can see I’m not alone in terms in feeling like things are ‘tainted’ (great word) in my current house

Someone asked what do I look forward to?

I look forward to not spending hours trying to get on top of the clutter and mess he creates, only to have it destroyed within minutes by him (he’ll blame it on the kids - it’s not them, it’s him)

not to watch him waste obscene amounts of money on unnecessary crap that is then shoved into a corner and forgotten about (but whoa betide me if I try to move it)

to choose the photos in my home

to choose when to go to bed, when to put the light out, what to watch on tv

to be able to find things - the hoarding is BAD

It's awesome. I don't miss our family home at all, I feel very little attachment to it as I associate it with my ex. My (much smaller, mid Terrace) is all mine and I love it. I've painted it in pinks and greens and awesome colours my ex would have hated! Kids love it, I love it. Less toys and less accumulated crap. Good luck x

I thought I hated the house post separation - it was the family home we bought together - both our first mortgaged house after years of renting - the house we (I) thought we'd raise children in. The house we stripped back to bare brick and put together again. In the initial weeks post separation I was 100-% sure I couldn't and wouldn't stay in it. But then gradually I decided since I could afford to then I could take the house on on my own. Once his shit was all gone I started room by room to do a total overhaul - doing it all largely myself when the kids were in bed. Hours spent trawling FB marketplace for cheap furniture to upcycle. Now the house doesn't feel like ours. It feels like mine.

My point is don't rush deciding to sell and move on if it would mean a smaller house in not so nice an area. You can "start" over in the same house. Gradually the memories of us as a family in this house have faded as I've made new memories in the house x

to be able to find things - the hoarding is BAD

I think you would be happier anywhere that has a roof and not him under it. Just think of the joy that you will feel knowing he has to sort/throw it, box up what's left and move it to his new place. If you have a new place instead of the family home he can't ask you to leave it in the corner for a bit while he gets his place sorted, aka the next ten years. Nope, it gets to follow him like a bad smell 😂

I bought ex out of our former martial home. I love my house and I wanted to stay, it was also the only house our children had known.

I'm slowly redecorating it - yes there are memories, but that's ok, part of life, I suppose.

I'm making it mine (and the DC's) now. It's taking a while, as there is lots to do, but I'll get there.

I fully understand wanting to move, get a place of your own. What I did worked best for me, (I hope)! Each to their own.