Anyone dealt with an ex who...

[Harveybelle]

So my ex husband and I separated a few months back following multiple infidelities. Since then he's tried harming himself and had attempts to take his life (although he's always done it so he can be rescued) - the last being when the police had to come and welfare check on myself and our DS.

He's been living back with his parents for the last few weeks but has been taking everything out on me. Saying I'm saying he isn't welcome here at home (we are in the process of putting the house up for sale) however I've not said this - he owns half the house so legally I'm stuck. Blaming me for the relationship breakdown, I wasn't attentive or affectionate enough. I've grown close to a friend who's going through something similar and now he's saying I'm trying to replace him as a father and guilt tripping me over things that aren't true. His mother and some other family members are also angry at me - saying his suicide attempts prove he's sorry so I should forgive him - and I'm ruining our sons life!! It makes me so angry and upset.

I'm trying to keep the peace and stay as nice as possible but it's hard.

Especially when our son comes home saying I apparently have a new boyfriend and daddy is so upset and more than me so he feels bad and needs to stay with him!

Stay strong Op. He is using every trick in the book to manipulate you and others (and probably himself) into believing that he is a victim. Repeated threats of suicide are a form of coercive control. It is time to step away from him and his family completely. Speak to a solicitor about contact arrangements and get something legal in place

Given his tendency towards coercive control, narcissistic behaviour and mental health, I would be very tempted to ask a court for supervised contact only- preferably in a contact centre. Protect your child from his emotionally abusive behaviour. Men like this don't always stop at emotionally abusing their ex's or their children, sometimes they refuse to hand the child back to the primary caregiver and unless you have a court order prohibiting this there is not a lot that can be done quickly to get them back.

Speak to a solicitor and protect your chil
Block him and his family from all platforms
Get on with your life.

When I was a child one of my mums partners used me to manipulate her in this way.

she let him fuck with us for years longer than she should if becuase he manipulated me into saying the things that would sway her

If she had stayed strong and done what was best for me instead of what she thought I wanted then maybe all the things that happened later didn’t have to happen

Agree he is trying every trick in the book to make you look like the bad person, to prevent you from leaving and make you feel guilty. He's using your child to ensure messages get relayed to you and it needs to stop. It will only harm your child later in life if this continues or if you go back to him. Seek legal advice about custody/access (I think you have very reasonable grounds for this considering his history, recent 'attempt' to harm himself and concerns about your child being exposed to it), get the house sold and never look back. I don't mean this to sound uncaring in anyway, but people who want to harm themselves, normally do so without their loved ones or friends knowing a thing about their intention and go about what they want to do without the risk of being found or stopped. Your ex is just manipulating the situation to make him look like the victim, make everyone feel sorry for him and for people to view you as public enemy #1. Keep strong. You know you're doing the right thing.

Grey rock method. Google it.

My ex husband tried all this year when I left him years ago (due to his infidelity and alcohol use) I used to wake up to 80+ abusive long messages every morning.

I sent the police a few times to do a well fare check.

Grey rock method worked wonders. I ignored any messages except for those specifically about the DC.

Don't give him the time or head space.

How old is DC?

You're a nice person. You know that. Anybody who wants to embellish or invent anything else is lying, and can be ignored.

Don't trouble yourself. Tell your son the truth. Stay away from anyone who tries to make your life hard. That's all you have to do.